WARNING!!! THIS POST MIGHT BE 75,000 PAGES LONG!
FEBRUARY 1, 2019, started as a normal Friday morning in the Patterdashian household. The grass grower was already out growing grass, or doing whatever it is that he does to receive the Benjamins..
The superbowl was being played that year in Atlanta and was just 2 days away. Against my better judgment,( I say that because we all know we are diehard packer fans and if my team aint playing I cant be bothered) I somehow scored tickets to a pregame something at Mercedes Benz Stadium. I mean we lived in Atl and this was really once in a lifetime score!
I proceeded to get ready for work, It was FRIYAY and I made it through another week at a job that I absolutely hated, but thats beside the point. I hit the parking lot and all of the sudden my gut instinct was telling me, something was brewing. ( I'm weird like that..don't judge 😅) I stood and waited for the elevator to take me to my prison cell for my 8 hrs of confinement. I got to my floor, walked into my office and settled in.
8:45 am my cell phone range and it was my grass grower, my stomach sank, because he NEVER calls me at work, a random text message? Absolutely! All day long infact, but a phone call??? Remember that feeling of "oh snap?" NEVER! I picked up and it went something like this...
GG( Grass Grower) -"Hey Babe"
TW(Turf Widow) - Umm..Hi..
GG- OK so don't freak out ( why in the history of ALL the things do men ALWAYS start a really bad conversation with don't freak out!! I am always going to freak out when I hear that because why wouldn't I be in complete utter freak mode when you tell me not to????!!????)
TW- (Feeling the pit of hellfire in my stomach. Here we go, GG lost his job and we are now in complete survival mode, I'm already having a panic attack before I even actually had a panic attack) trying to remain cool and calm, OK..what happened?
GG- Remember when I went to the doctor the other day? Well my blood work came back, really bad.
TW- umm.. ok..? Let me guess, your levels are high because your a man and you might grow green things. But you don't eat green things ( veggies, fruits you know the healthy foods 😉)
GG- I need to you be serious here. Not everything requires a smart ass one line zipper
TW- (in my mind) Oh you Richard! How dare you!!! ..Ok I'll be an adult.. what do you mean?
And there it was.. My heart stopped and instantly everything around me was spinning and in slow motion at the same time.
GG- I'm in Kidney Failure. They want me to go to the ER immediately. But I feel fine. So I have a couple of things to do on the backhoe on number 9 ( see I freaking told you GRASS comes before EVERYTHING) and there's no way I'm missing that Superbowl experience. So I'll just go first thing Monday Morning. ( I swear to the heavens these are the exact words uttered from his mouth!!!!)
TW- WHAT??? I'm leaving now, I'll meet you at the shop. YOU ARE GOING TO THE ER, even if I have to call the cops and make up some crazy story to get you there, this conversation is over.
I hang up...
Right then and there I was having an out of body experience. How could my healthy 80 year old husband ( we all know he's not 80 , but sometimes he makes me think he is 😅)..ok he's like 50ish.. who works 100 hrs a week and still has time for all the fun things we do, currently, basically fighting for his life? How is this even possible? The blood work MUST be wrong.. there's no possible way in God's great big universe of unicorns with glitter farts that a simple needle stick in your arm and a vile of blood could potentially ruin my life!
Alittle back story here, because obviously kidney failure just doesn't happen overnight and out of the blue.. My grass grower has had some issues over the years. But not alarming, just a random kidney stone here and there that he would go sit on a mower for an hour or two and rattle it out, as he would say. He was fine until he wasn't....
To be continued....🙃
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