How To Piss Off A Turf Wife

Hello there readers, on this week's episode of Till Turf Do Us Part, I want to discuss COMMON SENSE and how a lot of people obviously missed that day in elementary school. 

I don't know if you know this, BUT during your round of Golf, your decisions, or lack thereof affect EVERY Turf Wife in the World! I don't know if you actually know this, but please trust me when I say, ok write this. 

Did you know that when it rains and you get mad because it's Cart Path only, there is a real-life Agronomonic reason for this? Although maybe you "think" it's just a puddle but imagine 300 plus people a day having your same thought process and that puddle now becomes The Creature of the Blue Lagoon..BE A RULE FOLLOWER I SWEAR YOU WILL HAVE A MUCH BETTER EXPERIENCE!! 

How does this affect a Turf Wife'? Well, it's funny you should ask, because it actually takes more time to fix, which, makes a grass grower come home in a pissy mood when he FINALLY graces us 4 hrs later than originally told he would be home. 

The back 9 is closed for blah bla blah reasons. If any 9 or 18 or just a hole is closed, RESPECT THE REASON, BECAUSE THERE ACTUALLY IS*A REASON! It could be any number of things, but it doesn't mean you can sweet talk your way through the pro shop to get on said closed hole, because this is your last day on earth and Jesus won't let you into the gates unless you have touched bla bla hole. 

Turf wife effect? Well honestly this has no impact on my life unless you actually do this, then I get to hear about how ridiculous and entitled human beings are. 

If you are those weird people who are actually functioning as sane human beings with a tee time BEFORE 8 am, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use that thing that is on top of your neck ( umm your skull but inside that skull is your noggin). You see a maintenance crew member out doing whatever it is they are "supposed " to be doing for course setup. STAY OUT OF THEIR WAY!!! Would you dare go into a restaurant and demand a 6-course meal when they aren't even finished prepping yet??? I think not! Here's an example and something that was completely new to me when I was on my grass grower's course the other day.. His spray tech was out spraying magical grass juice ( I can't pronounce half of the products used so Magic Grass Juice just covers All the things) and carts were actually trailing behind! Umm ok? If your round now results in weird skin boils, don't come complaining to me! ( no your skin isn't going to boil over with weird little aliens emerging ) but you know what WILL happen? You're going to track that Magic Grass Juice ALL OVER THE COURSE. Greens, Tees, fairways, etc. I'm not talking just about your cart, I'm talking about your shoes, your cart's wheels, ANYTHING THAT HAS TOUCHED SAID MAGIC GRASS JUICE! 

Turf Wife Effect? Your lack of patience and stalking the spray tech has the potential to RUIN ok not ruin BUT cause product burn on my grass grower's precious blades of grass, which in turn creatures MORE work, phone calls from owners, Gms, etc calling at ALL hours questioning WHY.. that, in turn, takes away from MY TIME, which is VERY few and far between with MY grass grower when he is OFF DUTY! 

If your Tee Time is at 8:27 AM... YOU TEE OFF AT 8:27 AM. Not earlier because you are bff with a retired cart boy, not later because you saw a starship trooper and had to get his autograph BE ON TIME! Even being 5 mins late screws up the ENTIRE tee sheet for the day and puts Maintenance behind! 

Turf Wife effect? Being late or early screws everything and everyone up and things have the chance to be missed resulting in MORE WORK and if I had plans with my grass grower for let's say lunch, he'd probably have to cancel because his day is now in the poo hole. 

You have a bad shot and took a chunk out of a green. I can't believe the people who actually think this is ok.. "it's just grass and will grow back" IT'S NOT JUST GRASS AND IT WON'T GROW BACK! I mean it will BUT not overnight! It takes WEEKS..( yes you can plug or grab a nursery scrap, BUT IT STILL TAKES WEEKS TO GROW IN)

Turf Wife effect? I mean it's the equivalent of telling your kid that Santa died and Christmas is canceled because the elves are on strike. DO NOT TAKE CHUNKS, it's really that simple! RESPECT THE GRASS!! 

It's Aerifcation or Verti cut day!!! Let's just say Cultural Practices and cover it all! I'm sure as a member or an insider at your course it's communicated way in advance, maybe even told to you directly! PLEASE RESPECT THE PRACTICE! These things are done so YOU CAN PLAY and have the best possible playing surface your course's budget allows! Don't bitch or complain to EVERY employee, person you can find to listen to your sadness. This will not get you on the course faster nor give you extra points from the Superintendents. You are a paying customer who has to just deal with it and I PROMISE this is all for good reason! 

Turf Wife effect? Longer hours away from home. Or when they actually get home, they are absolutely useless and just shower, maybe mumble something to you and the kids, then they disappear into dreamland. I guess that's a good thing if they sleep talk, Hello Tik Tok Videos 😆

The bottom line is that regardless of where you are in your golfing journey, what you "think" you know about golf, I can guarantee you don't! I really really recommend getting to know your Superintendent. Ask them WHY.. instead of assuming and thinking. Ask them about their family! Grass Growers LOVE to explain the "science" of why rules and practices are put into place. Most importantly treat them and the course with respect! THEY ARE HERE FOR YOUR "HOBBY" and want nothing more than to give you the best experience you've ever had! And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REMEMBER EVERY ACTION YOU DO OR DONT DO EFFECTS a Turf Wife and lord knows we wives have enough to deal with on top of stupid decisions from people we don't even know!