When The Irrigation Pump Explodes In July..

I can not believe it's been almost 5 years since my last blog post. I feel like I'm about to tell my story to a room full of strangers who are going to silently judge me because I let the crusade down. Truth is, I let myself down. I have been so busy just trying to just SURVIVE, that I put on my gas mask, only to forget to hook up to an oxygen tank, to barely breath.

These 5 years of absence, have been literal Hell on earth. Those of you who are in my/our inner circle know, but it's time to let the rest of the world know.

It all began in 2019 when my grass grower got sick. I'm not talking about the man flu or a flesh-eating turf disease, I'm talking a visit to the ER( AFTER MONTHS OF BEING A NAGGING WIFE BEGGING HIM) to only be the proud winner of an extended THREE WEEK stay at a lovely Sterile Skyscraper in the sky. (Not really in the sky, but hospitals have like 85 floors, so..) ...Iv's stuck in every possible orifice and a million people in and out of an 18×20 air-conditioned cardboard box, ( probably a much bigger room, but that's completely pointless at this point.) constantly muttering things I didn't understand and my grass grower laying helpless in a very uncomfortable twin bed with gadgets that never stopped beeping in places we won't mention...( More on that later, but spoiler alert, HE DIDN'T DIE)

Flash forward a couple of months later, my world began to crumble. Keep in mind, this was all before the bat sickness invaded our lives...

My favorite Great Uncle decided his time on earth was finished and he had much better things to do upstairs. Crushed and already emotionally exhausted, the universe was like not so fast there Missy, I'm about to REALLY screw you up. Might as well kiss your old self goodbye, because life as you know it will NEVER be the same again.

CANCER, a six-letter word that you hope and pray will NEVER come out of your mouth nor your ears will hear. C-A-N-C-E-R. Luckily for me, I got to hear it twice!

My two BIGGEST cheerleaders, my rocks, my foundation for my entire being, my go-to humans for everything under the sun, were both diagnosed within months of each other.

My Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and my grandmother, with stage 1 breast cancer.

If you have never been touched by this horrific nightmare, please consider yourself very lucky and know that I secretly hate you ( I know that's extreme and I could never really hate anyone but you understand) All of this to deal with, while I am still trying to heal my grass grower and the cherry on top, living 8 hrs away from my parents and the other side of the country from my Grammie. I guess I REALLY pissed off the universe.

Sadly after a VERY hard fight,

in 2020 my Grandmother took her last earthly breath ( right before the world shut down)and she is now one of my most precious Angels. I miss her so much and I'm constantly reminded daily of her absence in my life.

If you're not in tears yet, just wait I have more!!

I never got to fully grieve her,( my grammie) because I was still reeling from almost losing my husband ( I told you, I'll dive into that later) my Uncle and I was in the process of watching my once vibrant, unique, strong as nails, Beautiful Momma fights for her life!

Yet again sadly in 2021, exactly 1 year and 2 days apart from losing my grandmother, my beautiful beloved Mommy left me to be the most beautiful butterfly there is. My mom was my best friend! I truly believe that we were not only mother and daughter, but she was my soulmate. Yes, soulmates aren't just romantic partners...

Wrap your head around that for a second. In the stretch of 3 years I almost lost my grass grower, my great uncle, my grandfather ( I know I didn't mention that, we weren't really all that close) My grandmother, and then my mom. HOW DO YOU FUNCTION AFTER THAT!!!

I am the first to admit that I went off the rails. I went deep into my black cave of despair and I didn't care about anything. I was a robot with just enough oil to maintain existence. Updating a blog where I basically troll my grass grower was the absolute last thing on my mind. I know I was a complete disaster, an absolutely horrible wife, mother, and friend. I know it was all to be expected, but it still doesn't make me feel any better. I can honestly say, that if it wasn't for my tremendous grass grower, our gorgeous daughter, and my absolutely amazing friends. I don't think I would still be on this earth. I can NEVER thank these selfless humans enough, I'll be forever in their debt!

So here we are in 2023, I'm very slowly coming up for air and reintroducing myself to earth and all of the lovely grass-growing humans who have been wondering where in the hell is Mark's wife .. She's been here all along, just sitting in a triangle of sadness, trying to live, trying to heal and trying to make sense of this new reality and go through this very crappy discount store deck of cards she was dealt... But rest assured I am coming back stronger than ever and will be diligently cranking out my ridiculous word vomit, for your eye-reading enjoyment.

THANK YOU ALL for missing me, now let's get back to growing grass, it's summer time darn it!!

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