And we out .....

So here I sit in my house . My last Sunday in our home . Tuesday is d day . Moving day . The day I/we leave Florida . If you have been following along , it's no surprise  I'm not that excited to leave my "home" and start anew. Truthfully, my feelings are mixed . My soul is torn .  I'm yearning for a change and a new adventure , but not so sure I want to leave my comfort zone .  10 years is along long time to be settled . Heck in this "lifestyle" 10 years is equivalent to 30 years in anyone's normal life . But, that's just it .. being a WOT isn't normal .  You don't get to plan your life , your life revolves around the boy who put a ring on it. The boy who grows grass .The boy who is working  his ass off for a game . It gets so exhausting having to justify your supreme being to those outside of the turf world . No "normal person " gets it . No "normal person "cares what type of grass your MOT grows, what his green speeds are , why he's stressed because his mistress decided to give him a fungal disease 3 days before you move . They don't get you can't really plan ahead for anything, why you move so often ,or why your husband isn't ever present .  I've often heard a WOT'S life being compared to that of a military wife (now before I go and piss anyone off here , I am in no way comparing myself or my MOT , or his,career or our life ,to the brave service men or women who are fighting for our freedom.  )My presumption is merely based on comparison, being that we never get to actually take our shoes of and stay awhile . I feel very fortunate we were lucky enough to be settled for as long as we have been and the memories that we have made along the way . I also feel very fortunate that I actually have been given a gift  (even though I rarely see it as that ) to be able to live in places most people only dream about visiting.  In the grand scheme of things, the bigger picture always works itself out . I just wish we as WOT'S had the luxury of being able to have a choice, a voice "hey I love it here, why do we have to leave?" ..Well we have to because ,that's just what the way it goes,  it's the hand we've been dealt. The path that has been chosen . We suck it up ,put our feelings aside and just do it . In  the conclusion of this chapter of our life , we're turning the page and we're beginning anew ,all I can do is just pray ,swallow my feelings and start to write the next page in our new adventure . Stay posted ..the Patterson's are Bama bound....P.S. Did I mention I'll be unpacking and making our new house a home , while my MOT undergoes a complete greens  renovation ? #prayforme #itsjusthowitgoes #glamourouswot

#prayfororlando

I am in fear of the human race . I'm scared for our children . I just can't understand what motivates such evil ..praying for the victims, praying for the families, praying for responders ..praying for all....stupid and senseless ....... #prayfororlando

Take the red pill ,or take the blue pill..

You know what scares the crap out of me ? This "industry ". I've decided I'm going to get a bit more "raw" for this entry and pour my heart into it . In my experience over the years as a WOT, I've observed 2 kinds of MOTS, a lifer and a bouncer . A Lifer is someone who starts at a course and stays there ,their entire career. A Bouncer ,is someone who goes from course to course ,gaining experience growing different grasses in different climates,over the course of a few short years . I'm married to the ladder , the in-between.
In exactly 8 days from today ,we are leaving our ,MY safety net.  A net where my heart and soul begins and ends . My family and our friends and everything that our daughter has ever known . This scares the shit out of me . My MOT hasn't lived with us since October.  Bells and I have been fiercely immersed in our own routine. We are truly living the turf widow life . I am treading barely above water , taking one day at a time . Letting my inner voice take over . I am my own worst enemy.  I'm not looking at the positive,  I'm reverting back to the "bouncer" mentality ,un-attaching myself from everyone and everything . All of the what ifs are a constant plague weighing on my mental sanity . My MOT assures me  that ,this move will be life changing for us , but truthfully ,I just don't see it . Maybe it's my negative attitude from day 1 ,I mean why would I be excited about moving to Huntsville, AL, leaving our life here and our family behind.  .I really don't like anything about it or the idea itself.  Will this state be our saving grace ? Or will this just end up being another chapter in our story ? As I have stated before, I hate any kind of change.  My parents still live in the same house I grew up in , they live 3 blocks away . When we move they will be 10 hrs away .I'm very close to my family.  Huntsville is my MOT'S hometown . His story begins there , but does our chapter really need to be a part of it ?  I really don't have the choice,I have  to put my faith in him and just enjoy the ride .Again the fear sets in . What happens in a year from now ,will we have to move ? .Will we have to uproot our daughter again ? What if in that year we're still there and I actually have decided that he was right . Will that make me resent him ,for moving us to a town ,to a place I could really care not to connect with ? Or will that make me love him more ,because he saw something I couldn't?  Attitude is everything ,perception is judgment . What I'm doing right now is rambling, throwing every possible negative scenario into the mix ,instead of looking at the positive. A positive situation where my MOT is taking charge and doing something for the betterment of our existence.  I'm just being spoiled brat , throwing a fit and trying to get my way, praying and grabbing onto every last olive branch of hope in these last 8 days, channeling a miracle to happen ,so I don't have to leave MY safety net . Not ours MINE . Wtf is the matter with me ? I'm a WOT for God's sake . I have the ability to make anything happen, even under the most dire circumstances.  In the past 8 months of basically being a single parent , I've learned a lot about myself . Not only am I insanely independent,  I'm also insanely venerable, and truthfully I don't like it . I have no idea why I'm fighting this change . Why I'm mentally doubting my MOT'S intentions . Maybe because deep down inside the layers of my insanity, I know he's right ,or it's the years of baggage and the heartache that comes along with being involved in this lifestyle.  A life of turf ,a life of being married to a golf course superintendent, the good the bad and the ugly.