The wind of change......

So I'm taking a break writing my love/ hate career relationship  story with my man of turf. What I'm doing instead ? Trying to keep it together. Trying to maintain staying afloat in  the big pool of water I feel on a,daily basis I'm drowning in .  You see being settled finally for 9 years , laying down a concrete slab and allowing our legs to grow roots.. , being close to my family ,reconnecting with old friends..cherishing new friends,  watching our daughter grow up and make life long memories,and friends..  BAM..a hurricane has come and wiped away our "roots" ..We're  on the move again . I'd be lying if I told you that I'm excited about this .. I'm trying to be . Really honestly I am .. Our opportunity is a great one and a great move for my MOT (man of turf)and his,career . I keep trying to remind myself that sometimes wiping the slate clean and having fresh new adventure is an amazing gift not many get to experience, and I should be embracing it with full force.  But ..yes BUT .. I absolutely HATE that I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and I absolutely HATE ANY KIND OF CHANGE. Kind of funny knowing that considering my choice of husband and his career . See I think the biggest problem here is I let my guard down , I let myself get comfortable , when we all know living in this lifestyle one can never do that . It's almost a Cardinal sin of epic proportion .  As a,wife of turf you are solely responsible for keeping it together at all times  NO EXCUSES!!! Your sole purpose in this life is keeping EVERYTHING together.  Home , Kids , Appointments ,preparing to move, etc . There is no time for slacking . It doesn't matter if you are a stay at home mom, a doctor, a waitress ..WHATEVER.. You have to be prepared to be the "other woman " in yr relationship . Because, the grass ALWAYS comes first .Doesn't matter how in love the 2 of you are,how great yr marriage /relationship is period ! That might be a selfish statement , considering that, that  MOT  (in most cases  walking zombies) and that grass pay yr bills, and provide a great life for your little family,but  it's the truth .  There are many times you have to be both mom and dad , while our men are out on dates with the "other woman" but you eventually come to accept it and just deal with . I'm a basket case of emotions right now,  way overwhelmed to the point I don't know if I'm coming or going , so much on my plate and trying to just get it all done,and deal, while my MOT is 10 hrs away working his ass off ,70 plus hours a week, for the love of his career and for  the love of his family. Knowing him ..he's riddled with guilt having thrown all this at me . I do know if he could make this,easier on me (us) he would . , And what am I doing while my grass growing stud is worrying (let's be real here ..WORKING)?? I should be packing/cleaning/painting.. But I'm sitting here writing a pity post trying to put my blessing and curses together so I might be able to better mentally  process, the constantly ever changing life of a turf widow....