So i'm sitting here reflecting on today's events.The world lost an icon today.. A person whom I never met, but I cant help but feel a connection to. This person was a childhood musical hero of mine as well to a many others. After i heard the news of his untimely passing, i submersed myself in this his music for hours reliving each and every memory, every single word, feeling and lyric to every word of his songs. Life is just to damn short and when you least expect it, your world can change in a New York minute. RIP Prince!!!
Death.. death is such a crazy thing!!! I often wonder who has it really worse the person who actually died or the people that they leave behind ..? Deep thoughts I know, but it got me really thinking about this today. Being a ripe age of 39 I have never really contemplated the actual sting of losing someone so close to your heart. I have been very fortunate in my life to have only lost that one person , my world (my grandfather) at a very young age , so I wouldn't actually have to deal with the adult aspect of losing someone who was my heart and soul. It got me thinking about losing my husband ( yes very morbid , I know) but honestly what would i do ? Yes I claim to be a turf widow already (which basically I am just married to a warm body and a paycheck) but atleast he comes home every night and we exchange some sort of pleasantries etc , But honestly ..WHAT WOULD I DO? I feel like being married to a, MOT, I have given up myself. I have given up my dreams and hopes. My chance to have something outside of being a WOT.. (dont get me wrong , I have his undying support in whatever I chose to do) but I always look at the bigger pics and feel if I chased that raindow , our child would suffer . Call it momny guilt ..call it whatever you want, but the struggle is so real !!!I do understand that a lot of other WOTS have careers, have their own things,etc outside of this insane life that we have chosen for ourselves, but honestly for me, it just wasn't in the cards . More like it's impossible !!! I am very fortunate to be able to stay at home and be a,mom and wife , (and I love every minute of it !!!!)but what if when I'm 80 and my MOT is gone and I look back on my life will I be truly satisfied with the choices that I made ? Can I forgive all of the missed dinners, parties, birthdays , school functions etc because I chose to support my husband's passion for a game of golf and a, blade of grass ?? To let my own dreams and goals be swept under the rug , because we have this amazing child who needs me? When I actually sit and look at the bigger picture , my above statements just sound stupid and petty . But I'm just being real . I am sure there are 5000 other wots who struggle with is identity crisis as well. It's not fun living in yr husband's shadow or having to give up your normal for a seed and a grain of fertilizer , or better yet for someone to go and play a game . My wish truly for anyone who plays golf is,to actually be educated and realize those greens you putt on ..that fairway you drive or that tee you take divots out of ..has the blood sweat and tears of a husband who is missed at home or has a crazy wife who is struggling..
Death.. death is such a crazy thing!!! I often wonder who has it really worse the person who actually died or the people that they leave behind ..? Deep thoughts I know, but it got me really thinking about this today. Being a ripe age of 39 I have never really contemplated the actual sting of losing someone so close to your heart. I have been very fortunate in my life to have only lost that one person , my world (my grandfather) at a very young age , so I wouldn't actually have to deal with the adult aspect of losing someone who was my heart and soul. It got me thinking about losing my husband ( yes very morbid , I know) but honestly what would i do ? Yes I claim to be a turf widow already (which basically I am just married to a warm body and a paycheck) but atleast he comes home every night and we exchange some sort of pleasantries etc , But honestly ..WHAT WOULD I DO? I feel like being married to a, MOT, I have given up myself. I have given up my dreams and hopes. My chance to have something outside of being a WOT.. (dont get me wrong , I have his undying support in whatever I chose to do) but I always look at the bigger pics and feel if I chased that raindow , our child would suffer . Call it momny guilt ..call it whatever you want, but the struggle is so real !!!I do understand that a lot of other WOTS have careers, have their own things,etc outside of this insane life that we have chosen for ourselves, but honestly for me, it just wasn't in the cards . More like it's impossible !!! I am very fortunate to be able to stay at home and be a,mom and wife , (and I love every minute of it !!!!)but what if when I'm 80 and my MOT is gone and I look back on my life will I be truly satisfied with the choices that I made ? Can I forgive all of the missed dinners, parties, birthdays , school functions etc because I chose to support my husband's passion for a game of golf and a, blade of grass ?? To let my own dreams and goals be swept under the rug , because we have this amazing child who needs me? When I actually sit and look at the bigger picture , my above statements just sound stupid and petty . But I'm just being real . I am sure there are 5000 other wots who struggle with is identity crisis as well. It's not fun living in yr husband's shadow or having to give up your normal for a seed and a grain of fertilizer , or better yet for someone to go and play a game . My wish truly for anyone who plays golf is,to actually be educated and realize those greens you putt on ..that fairway you drive or that tee you take divots out of ..has the blood sweat and tears of a husband who is missed at home or has a crazy wife who is struggling..
No comments:
Post a Comment