The Little Turf Wife That Could

This entry goes out to my fellow turf wives . I'm seasoned on this "lifestyle " and I, like all of us , know way more that I want to .

When do you finally forgive ? When do you finally let go of all of the resentment. How do you let go?How can you mentally tell yourself that life is going to be OK ?  How can you be supportive, when you know the current life change is turning out to be everything you were promised it wasn't going to be ????. How can you still keep it together ? How can you possibly even still begin to be his biggest fan, his sounding block,his go to person, all the while trying not to scream I told you so? Why are we continually going through the motions and just accepting this is the way it is ? I really have no answers to any of the questions I just shot out. I amaze myself on the daily. I look back and still question at times how we are still married.  

You can count your blessings ,but faith only can take you, and your sanity so far . How are you not supposed to look your MOT in the face, and not want to punch him .You can't be upset with him , he took a chance. You can't be pissed off at things beyond your control.You can't become selfish and just expect.You have to look over things and just accept.You can only hope for the best and expect the worst .

Truthfully, I'm so sick of hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. There has got to be something better in this life . I'm so ready for him to get out . I'm tired . He's tired . But we just keep pushing on . I don't want to be the bad guy and crush his dreams. I would never in a million years ask him to stop growing grass EVER. But, sometimes I  want to tell him that, every decision he's making isn't a step further into that "dream property" Could it be that dream possibly isn't attainable anymore?  Could it be possible he's reached the ceiling? .. or could it be possible that I've finally given up ?

I think its the latter of the two. No matter what you do in life, you always are going to have good days and bad days. It's the how you deal with the days is what matters the most. Personally I just get so sick of being put in an attention fight with dirt and grass blades. Some days its annoys me more than others. 

Renovations suck, Grow ins suck and the 2 weeks before reopening suck even more! But here I sit, holding on to hope, his word, that next week will be MUCH better. We won't have to deal with seeing him for 20 mins , then he will be asleep. I won't have to answer our daughter with the I don't know verbiage, when she asks me 20 times an hour when Dad is going to be home. I'm crossing every finger, toe,eye, leg etc. THAT THIS IS THE LAST TIME, even though I'm sure , no positive, we will be going down this road again.

In the meantime..2 more days!!!!!!!! I can do this...I have wine, and we are still married....