And we out .....

So here I sit in my house . My last Sunday in our home . Tuesday is d day . Moving day . The day I/we leave Florida . If you have been following along , it's no surprise  I'm not that excited to leave my "home" and start anew. Truthfully, my feelings are mixed . My soul is torn .  I'm yearning for a change and a new adventure , but not so sure I want to leave my comfort zone .  10 years is along long time to be settled . Heck in this "lifestyle" 10 years is equivalent to 30 years in anyone's normal life . But, that's just it .. being a WOT isn't normal .  You don't get to plan your life , your life revolves around the boy who put a ring on it. The boy who grows grass .The boy who is working  his ass off for a game . It gets so exhausting having to justify your supreme being to those outside of the turf world . No "normal person " gets it . No "normal person "cares what type of grass your MOT grows, what his green speeds are , why he's stressed because his mistress decided to give him a fungal disease 3 days before you move . They don't get you can't really plan ahead for anything, why you move so often ,or why your husband isn't ever present .  I've often heard a WOT'S life being compared to that of a military wife (now before I go and piss anyone off here , I am in no way comparing myself or my MOT , or his,career or our life ,to the brave service men or women who are fighting for our freedom.  )My presumption is merely based on comparison, being that we never get to actually take our shoes of and stay awhile . I feel very fortunate we were lucky enough to be settled for as long as we have been and the memories that we have made along the way . I also feel very fortunate that I actually have been given a gift  (even though I rarely see it as that ) to be able to live in places most people only dream about visiting.  In the grand scheme of things, the bigger picture always works itself out . I just wish we as WOT'S had the luxury of being able to have a choice, a voice "hey I love it here, why do we have to leave?" ..Well we have to because ,that's just what the way it goes,  it's the hand we've been dealt. The path that has been chosen . We suck it up ,put our feelings aside and just do it . In  the conclusion of this chapter of our life , we're turning the page and we're beginning anew ,all I can do is just pray ,swallow my feelings and start to write the next page in our new adventure . Stay posted ..the Patterson's are Bama bound....P.S. Did I mention I'll be unpacking and making our new house a home , while my MOT undergoes a complete greens  renovation ? #prayforme #itsjusthowitgoes #glamourouswot

#prayfororlando

I am in fear of the human race . I'm scared for our children . I just can't understand what motivates such evil ..praying for the victims, praying for the families, praying for responders ..praying for all....stupid and senseless ....... #prayfororlando

Take the red pill ,or take the blue pill..

You know what scares the crap out of me ? This "industry ". I've decided I'm going to get a bit more "raw" for this entry and pour my heart into it . In my experience over the years as a WOT, I've observed 2 kinds of MOTS, a lifer and a bouncer . A Lifer is someone who starts at a course and stays there ,their entire career. A Bouncer ,is someone who goes from course to course ,gaining experience growing different grasses in different climates,over the course of a few short years . I'm married to the ladder , the in-between.
In exactly 8 days from today ,we are leaving our ,MY safety net.  A net where my heart and soul begins and ends . My family and our friends and everything that our daughter has ever known . This scares the shit out of me . My MOT hasn't lived with us since October.  Bells and I have been fiercely immersed in our own routine. We are truly living the turf widow life . I am treading barely above water , taking one day at a time . Letting my inner voice take over . I am my own worst enemy.  I'm not looking at the positive,  I'm reverting back to the "bouncer" mentality ,un-attaching myself from everyone and everything . All of the what ifs are a constant plague weighing on my mental sanity . My MOT assures me  that ,this move will be life changing for us , but truthfully ,I just don't see it . Maybe it's my negative attitude from day 1 ,I mean why would I be excited about moving to Huntsville, AL, leaving our life here and our family behind.  .I really don't like anything about it or the idea itself.  Will this state be our saving grace ? Or will this just end up being another chapter in our story ? As I have stated before, I hate any kind of change.  My parents still live in the same house I grew up in , they live 3 blocks away . When we move they will be 10 hrs away .I'm very close to my family.  Huntsville is my MOT'S hometown . His story begins there , but does our chapter really need to be a part of it ?  I really don't have the choice,I have  to put my faith in him and just enjoy the ride .Again the fear sets in . What happens in a year from now ,will we have to move ? .Will we have to uproot our daughter again ? What if in that year we're still there and I actually have decided that he was right . Will that make me resent him ,for moving us to a town ,to a place I could really care not to connect with ? Or will that make me love him more ,because he saw something I couldn't?  Attitude is everything ,perception is judgment . What I'm doing right now is rambling, throwing every possible negative scenario into the mix ,instead of looking at the positive. A positive situation where my MOT is taking charge and doing something for the betterment of our existence.  I'm just being spoiled brat , throwing a fit and trying to get my way, praying and grabbing onto every last olive branch of hope in these last 8 days, channeling a miracle to happen ,so I don't have to leave MY safety net . Not ours MINE . Wtf is the matter with me ? I'm a WOT for God's sake . I have the ability to make anything happen, even under the most dire circumstances.  In the past 8 months of basically being a single parent , I've learned a lot about myself . Not only am I insanely independent,  I'm also insanely venerable, and truthfully I don't like it . I have no idea why I'm fighting this change . Why I'm mentally doubting my MOT'S intentions . Maybe because deep down inside the layers of my insanity, I know he's right ,or it's the years of baggage and the heartache that comes along with being involved in this lifestyle.  A life of turf ,a life of being married to a golf course superintendent, the good the bad and the ugly.

O new bff where the hell are you ?

You know what I think is pretty awesome ? ..The brotherhood of the grass grower mafia , turf mafia , golf mafia .whatever you call it . It's like a silent acceptance into a secret society,  that you can reach out to anytime and they welcome you with open arms . Have a question about job opening in an unknown region , contact a MOT in the area. Need a chemical/fertilizer  rep in a new area ? Contact a MOT in that area . Even if you've never spoken before ,you're  instantly bff and you get a plethora of information. They make instant relationships ,golf together and possibly go for a beer and coordinate their arefication together on different weeks to accommodate all memberships in surrounding areas . Personally as a WOT, I think it's pretty darn amazeballs. I wish it was that easy for WOT'S transitioning into uncharted territory ,when our MOT'S accept a new position in foreign waters  . Instead we have to try a little harder to find "our tribe " . When our daughter was younger I threw myself into playgroups and the stereotypical "mom's groups" I was actually pretty darn fortunate to meet some incredible humans ,whom I have made life long friendships with  . Fast forward to present day with this move , and having a now 12 yr old (way to old for playgroups ) I have 1 of 2 options .. option number 1 (being boarder line illegal i'm sure) buy and or rent a black market baby,so I can have a hope of making fast friends or option 2 (which smells of desperation ) hang around Target with a Starbucks cup in hand, and scope out the "cool moms" and pray that I don't look like a creepy stalker trying to scout out the pretty ones for a human trafficking ring in my new town . I'm sure many of you are probably thinking ,just go and get a job . Well that would be a great solution "if" key word "if "I had a husband who worked normal hours ,whom could handle the load of a kid with all her activities . Although my MOT is very much involved in our daughter's life ,he just can't be there 24/7 like I can . That is my sacrifice and I'm ok with that . I'm not a "needy "person , but I'm thinking this entry is making me sound like I am ...o lord..!!!! None the less ,I always do seem to find my way outside of my MOT'S shadow . So what, if this time I have no handed to me friendships or easy ways, I'm a WOT, I can make it work even under the most challenging situations. This new  stage in my life  shouldn't be to difficult  to find my "weirdo's", I'll just have to think outside the box and become creative ...HA!!! Or take up a hobby ...day drinking anyone (probably not the best hobby.. but, totally a fun one!!) ???
Disclaimer**** If you see me in target clutching a Starbucks Coffee ,I'm not trying to abduct you ..,I'm just find my tribe ..

So, i'm not medicated yet..

So I've  heard through the grape vine the masses have been on my mot's jock as to where this infamous wot has been .. well I'm right here .. trying to stay sane ..trying to sell my soul to sell our freaking house , and dealing woth the last week of dance for our spawn ..our kot..(kid of turf) not to mention EVERYTHING else ,the end of chapter 56786 in our life of turf . As I sit here on my front porch watching my MOT  (yay he's home ) hand water the front yard(don't think the irrigation system is good enough for his "special" grass) ..for a split second ..I'm letting myself feel normal for a hot minute . I'm  ignoring the fact  in 2 days he will be gone again and my daughter and I will be on our own yet again . But this time the light is shinning and the end is nearing . Soon we will begin chapter 56787 in the great state of AllllllaaaaBAMA..and I will have plenty of "material" to blog about as I'm sure after the euphoria of happiness and rainbows wears off my MOT will most certainly be on my shit list . That's all I have folks in the mean time just pray for my sanity..because in the reality of this crazy life turf related or not ..the sayings still stands true.. "if momma ain't happy none is "

 

see.. look at the way he's" holding" his hose..industry professional? trick of the trade??

 

This is NEVER ok to wear..but i'm reduced to be one of his "employee's" doing yard maintenance..but at least i'm repping my team.. GO PACK GO!

WOT'S need love too..

Early morning is my favorite time of the day . My daughter is still asleep and I have my coffee and my cat to keep me company . Notice I'm not mentioning my MOT because well , you all know where he is :)It's also my time to reflect and fill my soul with mindless social media stalking .(don't act like you don't enjoy it too )My feeds are filled with all sorts of characters ranging from family, friends to industry people. It's a colorful array of awesomeness. What I enjoy the most is seeing other MOT'S showcasing their hard work . The perfectly striped greens and those beautiful rolling fairways . It's truly a sight to see. But then I also know,the dark side of that beauty.  I also know that ,that MOT who is showcasing their hard work has a WOT at home probably pissed off because he was supposed to be home 2 hrs ago or a child who is missing their dad terribly. Being married to someone who is always preoccupied with dirt and grass is  very difficult. More than any "normal" wife can possibly understand . I often highlight how MOT'S are a different breed , but the reality is we as WOT'S are just as different . Our life pretty much revolves around a season . Growing or dormant.  Our sanity depends on our own strength and finding the will just to make it happen day to day alone . Some might say its,not fair ,but it's the life our destiny sought out for us . We just do it . It's almost become second nature for me to make decisions without consulting my MOT. At times it's a lonely road ,but also an empowering one . There are A LOT of WOT'S  out in the world ,and we all share this trait..STRENGTH!!!!! They are who they are, because, we are who we are ,an unspoken sisterhood where we love our MOT'S unconditionally but we don't need them to justify our own existence.  We just make it happen and quietly celebrate our own victories, that more often than not,go unnoticed or celebrated. These victories come from being a strong ,independent woman !! If your a WOT reading this entry today I'm celebrating you and telling you how wonderful you are and how great of a job your doing ,you're a freaking rock-star!!!!, and well if your a MOT reading this please please please tell your WOT today she's beautiful and you are not where you are in life without her , and her strength(it will only take about 5 mins and I can assure you nothing horrific is going to happen to your course in that time)..maybe get some flowers too :)

Always something ....

A day in my life 7:44 am..ring ring .(Mot calling)
ME-HELLO?
MOT-hi.. I just sent you a pic
ME-OK
MOT-SO I just ran into a member of XYZ golf club ,who is playing in the USGA tournament this weekend
ME-OK
MOT -Member of XYG golf club said my greens are as good as XYG golf club.  I'm speechless
ME-That's great babe . (Also secretly laughing because my MOT is NEVER speechless)
MOT-OK gotta go..I just spotted pythium.....

ME- OK BYE..

MOT-CLICK

Again I couldn't make it up if I wanted to . I'll never run out of things to blog about at my MOT'S expense.  

Holly -34455678875432 ,

MOT-4556677875, 

WOT-7

*Disclaimer- XYZ Golf Club shall remain a secret..but you can check MOT'S course out @Huntsville CC Agronomy/Maintenance Facebook 

Being a princess is highly overrated..

16 years of being a WOT and well today I just got schooled . Just when I think I've been through every possible scenario that this crazy "turf life " has thrown at me ,BOOM..! In walks "bent grass" or "Princess" as I've now dubbed Holly's putting surfaces . I've been so spoiled in my MOT's career that I've never really had to deal with the tribulations of it . I've/we've have always lived in areas where "growing season " was year round and it really didn't matter if your greens were in full force menopause experiencing the dreaded hot flashes . For those of you reading my "crazy " and have no idea what bent grass is ,it's the devil herself  laughing at any WOT ,for actually thinking you might get a 5 minute lunch date with your MOT during the dogs days of summer . So I'm preparing myself for the "mourning phase" gone will be the hopes of any type of fun family summer time memories , I am  pretty much going to forget planning any spur of the moment getaways, and just seeing my MOT'S face in general . I'm sure I'll be able to suffer through it. 

 I've already bought a brand new pair of big girl panties to get me through . I am very thankful that our daughter is now 12 and has inherited my strong sense of being . I couldn't imagine how she'd react to being without her most precious human if she was any younger. So the next time you "think" you might have life figured out.. DON'T .. there will always be a "princess " in there to throw you a big fat curve ball.Always  remember you DO learn something new everyday ! Holly-25898545236985, Princess- 2365258, Me- 7

MOT Manic Monday....

Today's post is inspired by my admiration of my MOT.  Yes I complain about is career  alot,  but as we're getting ready to end this 10 year chapter in our life, I can't help but be extremely proud of him and his career accomplishments.  It dawned on me today since September 28, 2015 when he took over his current property ,(Huntsville Country Club)in 8 short months he's driven almost 18,000 miles (yes you are reading that correctly) to come home when he can. He's missed countless mildstones in our daughter's life this year , which I know has hurt him deeply . He's taken on a golfcourse that was in dire need for proper agronomic  practices and made her shine like the diamond she's deserves to be . He's also completely cleaned house with his staff and trained them "his way" so he has no worries when he needs to be home with us . He has taken under his wing an assistant who's been with "Holly " for atleast 15 years and has molded him to be his eyes and ears when he's not around . 8 short months ..if that isn't "greatness" I don't know what is . Here's the kicker here, in these 8 short months not only has his knowledge and  leadership skills proured over in abundance in the actions of his staff and the conditions of his property,  in 3 days from now that poor struggling diamond in the ruff 8 months earlier, is now the hosting a USGA senior and an AGA Amateur qualifying round tournaments.  Proud is not even the word I have for my husband, it's more like brusting at the seams of utter jubilation .Of course, I'm always his biggest fan ,but it warms my heart that others are now noticing "his greatness" too . Good job my boy ,keep up the great work !!!

I can't stop these mole crickets

One thing I've noticed over the years of being a WOT is my MOT'S mind NEVER shuts off. I mean like ever . I can't remember the last time we were in a car driving and a conversation  wasn't centered around grass or weather .  At any moment I can look over at him and witness a one of a kind design /build thought process . He's staring at an open field ,to which he  replies.."you know right to the left of that tree ,would make a beautiful par 3 ". It even happens when we're in the nursey section in a local home improvement store. A plant catches his eye ,"That would look beautiful to the right of 15 tee box." The best ever is when he's over worked, and stressed . He talks in his sleep . His dream state ramblings have educated me in every aspect of golf course maintenance.  The proper way to distribute seed during overseeding , how to properly harvest sod ,where to put the bunker sand and what it feels like to be an employee on the receiving end of an epic ass chewing . I sometimes wonder if this unhealthy.  Unhealthy in the aspect of not being able to shut it off and walk away ,having the ability to see and think beyond the green , always being preoccupied with the turf. Being here in the moment,but never being here in the mental moments. Then I realize this is what passion is all about . Passion and a love that noone can put rhyme or reason to. Truthfully I'd give my left arm to have that kind of passion. The ability to be immersed in something that truly is your heart and soul, your reason for living . I've met my fair share of  Mot's in my lifetime and they all share this same exact characteristic..PASSION . These little idiosyncrasies make it very easy to forgive my MOT of his sometimes inability to balance anything outside of "his girl " If his soul is happy ,then I'm happy ..even if I have to compete constantly with "the other woman " .

Special grass??

Today I feel like educating the masses about what my MOT really does . The majority of people I've come into contact with  look at me like I have 3 heads when I tell them my hubs is a golf course superintendent.  Them -"O.. they actually have someone who gets paid to keep the grass green ? I thought all you had to do was have that special grass ,mow it ,then water it ". Me-tries really hard not to slap the stupid away. Then comes my next favorite question EVER..Them- "WOW! Does he know Tiger Woods?" Me-  trying harder this time not to slap the stupid away . As if "keeping the grass green" gives one access to a super secert society where you automatically  become bff with Tiger Woods . The fact is ladies and gents ,I could sit here for hours and describe the job description, but since this is a blog of "short " musing ,I'll consolidate. 
▪Educator
▪Mentor
▪Chemist
▪Keeper of peace
▪Disease control artist
▪Meteorologist
▪Environmental advocate
▪Scientist
▪Manager
▪Mind reader
▪Mechanic
▪Irrigation expert
▪Babysitter
▪Fertility guru
▪Grass whisper
▪Traffic controller
▪Maintenance Mafia Godfather 

▪Maker of Magic 

▪Root adjuster 

▪Earth mover
I'm sure I've left some out , but this is just a "taste". So I hope the next time you're out playing or driving by a course , this post comes to mind . Mostly importantly here, NO..!!!!! My MOT doesn't know Tiger Woods.. or I don't "think" he does :)

I'm not a fan

I bet you're wondering what I'm doing right now . I'm sitting here waiting for my MOT to finally arrive home . Yes,if you've been following along he was supposed to come home Monday.  Here it is Wednesday night and well , here I sit alone. Lucky me!!! I'll be waiting until sometime tomorrow afternoon  . I'm sure you want the ditty , but at this point does it really matter ?  I won't bore you with all the details . Holly totally won today . I did get the ..this will all be over soon bs line . Typical..Truth is I need my MOT here now . We need to come first . Today I'm deflated and not a very happy WOT..but there's always tomorrow ..fingers crossed..

You can't always get what you want...

Great news is I'm over my self reflecting pity party. Bad news is Holly has once again dug her roots into my mot's veins . This time she has recruited irritation  (irrigation). As I type this entry , my MOT should be on his way to Florida to see his FOT.(family of turf) but instead he's getting a new irrigation something . I shouldn't be annoyed ,considering this "new" is going to help holly flourish back to her natural beauty and make his life a little bit easier , but I/we are . This living apart stuff is for the birds . I know it will only be a short time longer but in the meantime it still stinks.. Then there's that fine line of guilt . Yes I am upset that my MOT won't be home tonight , but he's taking care of his responsibilities.  So I really don't have a  right to be mad at him and pick a fight about how taken for granted I feel ,how his career always comes first ,the fact i'm nursing a sick kid,packing ,cleaning etc . It's been almost a month since he's been home . What's two more days . In the grand scheme of things its THE fact he's coming home. He's choosing family over holly and that's what really matters. Holly 2565454698574, WOT 546

A Christmas miracle!!!!

Do you remember what it's like to be a kid on Christmas eve ? The anticipation of what your going to "get" since the holiday season has sprung among us ? Laying in bed for what feels like an eternity , because you know in a few short hours all the energy you've expelled is finally going to come to fruition, not to mention all the good loot your going to acquire?  Golf course superintendents can .  Although this career path  is a very stressful one,  the  rewards are worth it! Could you possibly imagine waking up with that same level of Christmas morning  euphoria everyday? Rushing to the  tree (the golf course) and seeking out your "Christmas morning " surprises? OK this might be overzealous in comparison, but I do believe there is truth here . Think about this,the time spent seems like a life time in some cases, researching, planing and learning how to produce  that perfect result. The same way a child perfectly plans out a Christmas list. The outcome?? GIFTS!!!! Sometimes good and sometimes bad... Ha! The instant jubilation  every single morning would be contagious! Could you phantom that ?  Being able to receive "presents"  wrapped up in perfectly manicured complexes and fairways , decadently placed bows of dew drops on rolling mounds with majestic ribbons of  rainbows filtering through irrigation showers greeting you as a gift every morning ? For many Mot's THIS is what its all about .Not the game of golf itself , or the compliments of how fast the greens are rolling . It's about the anticipation of "Christmas morning " the result of a previous days hard work and nature's way of saying  " atta boy" . I'm sure anyone who shares this lifestyle with me would be hard pressed to disagree . Me personally, I think it's pretty awesome to have a "Christmas morning" every day.

I've got nothing....

So I've been trying to write the last couple of days so I can keep up with this whole blog thing I've got going on . BUT..yes another BUT.. I've got nothing . My life right now consists of a mad dash to get our house on the market, realizing that when you've had a home for 9 years the 3 of you are hoarders and feeling like a desperate teenager to speak to my  husband constantly.  Not to mention, all the added stress of house hunting , being a single parent ,dealing  with our daughter's school projects ,dance activities and just being 12 in general. Truth is .. I'm tried.  I'm exhausted.  I'm not myself and I'm in a funk . I'm trying to find "me" time all the while, trying to hold everything together . I seriously have a new appreciation for any single parent . I just have no idea how  they do it . The bright side for me in all of this , I know deep in the back of my "crazy" this is just a season . A season that only has a month or 2 left , then I'll be back to being annoyed that my MOT is home 2 hrs later than he told me . So in the mean time I'm searching for anything that will give me strength to push on .. ooo look there's wine ...:)

Xoxo

My brain thinks way to much ...

So i'm sitting here reflecting on today's events.The world lost an icon today.. A person whom I never met, but I cant help but feel a connection to. This person was a childhood musical hero of mine as well to a many others. After i heard the news of his untimely passing, i submersed myself in this his music for hours reliving each and every memory, every single word,  feeling and lyric to every word of his songs. Life is just to damn short and when you least expect it, your world can change in a New York minute. RIP Prince!!!
Death.. death is such a crazy thing!!! I often wonder who has it really worse the person who actually died or the people that they leave behind ..? Deep thoughts I know, but it got me really thinking about this today. Being a ripe age of 39 I have never really contemplated the actual sting of losing someone so close to your heart. I have been very fortunate in my life to have only lost that one person , my world (my grandfather) at a very young age , so I wouldn't  actually have to deal with the adult aspect of losing someone who was my heart and soul. It got me thinking about losing my husband ( yes very morbid , I know) but honestly what would i do ? Yes I claim to be a turf widow already  (which basically I am just married to a warm body and a paycheck) but atleast he comes home every night and we exchange  some sort of pleasantries etc , But honestly ..WHAT WOULD I DO? I feel like being married to a, MOT,  I have given up myself. I have given up my dreams and hopes. My chance to have something outside of being a WOT.. (dont get me wrong , I have his undying support in whatever I chose to do) but I always look at the bigger pics and feel if I chased that raindow , our child would suffer . Call it momny guilt ..call it whatever you want, but the struggle  is so real !!!I do understand that a lot of other WOTS have careers,  have their own things,etc outside of this insane life that we have chosen for ourselves,  but honestly for me, it just wasn't in the cards . More like it's impossible !!! I am very fortunate to be able to stay at home and be a,mom and wife , (and I love every minute of it !!!!)but what if when I'm 80 and my MOT is gone and I look back on my life will I be truly satisfied with the choices that I made ? Can I forgive all of the missed dinners, parties, birthdays , school functions etc because I chose to support my husband's passion for a game of golf and a, blade of grass ?? To let my own dreams and goals be  swept under the rug , because we have this amazing child who needs me? When I actually sit and look at the bigger picture , my above statements just sound stupid and petty . But I'm just being real . I am sure there are 5000 other wots who struggle with is identity crisis as well.  It's not fun living in yr husband's shadow or having  to give up your normal for a seed and a grain  of fertilizer , or better yet for someone to go and play a game . My wish truly for anyone who plays golf is,to actually be  educated and  realize those greens you putt on ..that fairway you drive or that tee you  take divots out of ..has the blood sweat and tears of a husband who is missed at home or has a crazy wife who is struggling..

Manganese, a lot of people don't even know what that is...

I'm sure everyone in the entire world has seen the movie caddyshack.  If you have no idea what I'm talking about , you might want to ask yourself ,where have you  been for the last 36 years ? ..WOW ! Am I making anyone feel old yet? But what's it really like being married to a real life Carl Spackler? The word interesting comes to mind . Truth be told being married to a "green's keeper " is a pretty exciting thing . I'm human and I will have my days or posts portraying my MOT as a complete turd,but in reality those are just my ramblings. I truly am blessed to be a WOT. My MOT is my best friend and the best father anyone could possibly ask for.  In the 16 yrs of our life together I have learned so much about a world that I didn't even know existed. My MOT has taught me about dedication ,passion,and it never being ok being second best . My eyes have been opened to what it truly feels like to reap  the rewards of the fruits of your labor . Yes I know more about fertilizer, soil , turf diseases and mowing practices  than your average girl ,but that is not a bad thing . My hopes for this blog is to educate the masses on the turf world from a wife's perspective . I truly hope all who stumble across "my crazy" love reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it .. 

The next time you find yourself on the course with your sticks,  seek out the Superintendent..hug him and just say thanks, a little love goes a long way...❤⛳

Desperate for darkness

ME-So I should probably prepare myself for being a single mom on mothers day too ?
HIM-What date is it?
Yes ladies and gentlemen this is a real life text exchange between myself and my MOT.  A form of communication that has replaced any type of actual verbal correspondence between the two of us during GGH. (Grass growing hours). If the sun is up the grass is growing . The grass doesn't care if it's Mother's Day, your birthday , Christmas , your dog just died , you are in labor etc . It doesn't care about any of it! Grass to a mot is the equivalent of a "fix" to a drug addict.  Her luscious color, the smell of her freshly cut blades , the sight of her perfectly striped lines , all of this will put a mot's  endorphins into overdrive . Just when they think they can sit back , relax (perhaps enjoy some down time with their family ), that naughty little minx throws in a curve ball and decides not so fast ..you can't leave me  ...look..I now have Pythium !!! What are you going to do about it ???..Nevermind it's your only daughter's first birthday or it's Mother's Day .What does the mot do ????. He grabs his cart and drives to his chemical room to check what he has on hand to spray . His second move ??.He doesn't have anything on hand , so he grabs his phone and calls one of his 50,000 sales reps (that get to spend more time with your mot than you do) . His third move and or phone call ???  Well I'm not going to lead you on here .. IT'S NOT GOING TO BE YOU , THE WOT.! Infact , you'll be his last phone call . The call that he makes on his way home , 3 to 4 hrs later than original said arrival . I'm sure there have been many  times that phone call has been delayed. Reason being ? They fear for their lives . They know they are the most hated individual on the planet . I think we as wots just get to a point where we just don't care anymore . What's the use of getting upset , it's just wasted energy. No matter how mad we get for their actions , the end result will always,be the same ..."SHE" will always,get the last word  . 16 years I have been with my MOT,  I have felt every emotion known to man . Loneliness, abandonment, unimportant,disappointed,just to name a few . Getting mad these days is just pointless.  It doesn't solve anything . It just is what it is . You learn to deal and accept that you and your kid(s) will always take the back burner ..no exceptions..it's just the way it is..

Signed-
Desperately seeking dark time 

The wind of change......

So I'm taking a break writing my love/ hate career relationship  story with my man of turf. What I'm doing instead ? Trying to keep it together. Trying to maintain staying afloat in  the big pool of water I feel on a,daily basis I'm drowning in .  You see being settled finally for 9 years , laying down a concrete slab and allowing our legs to grow roots.. , being close to my family ,reconnecting with old friends..cherishing new friends,  watching our daughter grow up and make life long memories,and friends..  BAM..a hurricane has come and wiped away our "roots" ..We're  on the move again . I'd be lying if I told you that I'm excited about this .. I'm trying to be . Really honestly I am .. Our opportunity is a great one and a great move for my MOT (man of turf)and his,career . I keep trying to remind myself that sometimes wiping the slate clean and having fresh new adventure is an amazing gift not many get to experience, and I should be embracing it with full force.  But ..yes BUT .. I absolutely HATE that I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and I absolutely HATE ANY KIND OF CHANGE. Kind of funny knowing that considering my choice of husband and his career . See I think the biggest problem here is I let my guard down , I let myself get comfortable , when we all know living in this lifestyle one can never do that . It's almost a Cardinal sin of epic proportion .  As a,wife of turf you are solely responsible for keeping it together at all times  NO EXCUSES!!! Your sole purpose in this life is keeping EVERYTHING together.  Home , Kids , Appointments ,preparing to move, etc . There is no time for slacking . It doesn't matter if you are a stay at home mom, a doctor, a waitress ..WHATEVER.. You have to be prepared to be the "other woman " in yr relationship . Because, the grass ALWAYS comes first .Doesn't matter how in love the 2 of you are,how great yr marriage /relationship is period ! That might be a selfish statement , considering that, that  MOT  (in most cases  walking zombies) and that grass pay yr bills, and provide a great life for your little family,but  it's the truth .  There are many times you have to be both mom and dad , while our men are out on dates with the "other woman" but you eventually come to accept it and just deal with . I'm a basket case of emotions right now,  way overwhelmed to the point I don't know if I'm coming or going , so much on my plate and trying to just get it all done,and deal, while my MOT is 10 hrs away working his ass off ,70 plus hours a week, for the love of his career and for  the love of his family. Knowing him ..he's riddled with guilt having thrown all this at me . I do know if he could make this,easier on me (us) he would . , And what am I doing while my grass growing stud is worrying (let's be real here ..WORKING)?? I should be packing/cleaning/painting.. But I'm sitting here writing a pity post trying to put my blessing and curses together so I might be able to better mentally  process, the constantly ever changing life of a turf widow....

I suck.. I know this ..

Ok ..I know..I know ..it's been over a year since I have even visited my blog . Its not because I haven't wanted to ..it's because I haven't felt inspired to write my ramblings . Our lives have been completely turned upside down again ..not in a bad way ..but more so in a never ever get comfortable because shit will change in a,blink of an eye way..Its the "turf life" and I knew what I signed up for when I let him put a,ring on it .  I think maybe for the time being I'm going to take a break from our turf story , and focus on letting the world know what it is actually like being married to a MOT.. (man of turf) thoughts ? ..please feel free to give me yr suggestions. .good or bad .. On that note ..thanks to all..and I promise I won't stay away very long ....xoxo