Connie and Mildred Used To Be Brown

I'm sure you are looking for an update..truth is,OMG where do I even begin? I feel like I'm talking to my priest,Hello strangers,it's been 7 years since my last confession.

I can't say we are all butterflies and glitter BUT we are blessed that's for sure. God,the universe,whoever, has a big fat turf sense of humor! I've always said if we can't go big,we have to go home,but that's the thing ,we don't have a home as of rightnow.

When I tell you fast,I mean the phone rang on a Monday,we moved that Saturday. Our life is in storage rightnow and we're kids again staying with family,until we find somewhere to live.(If you're,reading this and are local to us ,FIND US A HOUSE😂) We kinda hit the jackpot here folks. Amazing gig,and family locally! Makes my heart happy !!

So let me back track here,I know my last few entries have been kinda cryptic,but our last adventure prohibited even breathing trade secrets. (I guess my ramblings have clout? HA!)But whatever,not even worth losing sleep or mind power over that chapter.

So flash forward to present time,did you feel the vortex sucking you in? Yes,that has been the whirl wind for the last 6 weeks.My grass grower doesn't do anything half arse. He can never just walk in and grow grass,EVER!!!So much so,that he now has two mistresses. Yes 2! I've named them Connie and Mildred.

They are both sweet souls,but they have gone through the ringer and back again 5 times.They both require extra TLC,See I told you the universe has a sense of humor.Maybe I was a criminal in a past life and this is my pay back. Kidding ..BUT they appreciate everything and are responding to my grass grower's mojo,and(excuse me while I shout)THE MEMBERSHIP IS AMAZING. Like the people dreams are made of,and we all know that makes growing grass so much better!

Everything about this new adventure is mind blowing! The company my grass grower now works for,in my opinion is one of the best ever! The support,the praise,the sense of urgency. We are so fortunate to be apart of! Thank you BCGM (shameless plug😜)

I feel like I'm rambling, but good Lord,I just can't rangle how in the world I'm supposed to center myself and update. I'm really trying to condense the last 6 weeks,but holy duck!! It's almost impossible!

What I can focus on is this, embracing GEORGIA,Mildred and Connie. They need my grass grower way more than I do rightnow. I'm fine with sharing for now.....😜💜

P.s. I love to hear from my readers! Feel free to drop a comment or just say hi. 💜

Why you should spend money on the right fertility program

I don't know how to put all this into a diplomatic essay,so if my post seems like a rant,it very well could be. Or prehaps it could a very precocious little ditty.

I'm having a hard time here understanding these simple terms.

1.Honesty(definition)to tell the truth. Example,if one has no intention of following through with a stated deal(agreed contract or offer)than please for the love of god,don't waste the energy of mother universe or precious time.

2.Expectation (definition)A belief that someone will or should achieve something. Example, if one was unhappy with a past result, what would make someone think "cheaping" the purse would enable near perfect results. In otherwords don't hire someone for 30 grand less than what your veteran expectation  is. Think education and experience with years of knowledge to handle a multitude of curve balls.

3.Trending(definition)Change or develop in a general direction. Example, just because everyone and everything are trying to keep up with the latest version of whatever "they" are doing, this doesn't mean it's always the correct road to travel down.In otherwords, if you have a set amount for a salary, stick to that and find the most qualified person for the money you are willing to spend.

4.Time(definition)do I really need to define this?Example, one should never expect a fast result. In otherwords,knowledge takes years to learn and expertise isn't often learned from a text book.

5.Knowledge(definition)Facts,information and skills acquired by a person through experience or education.Example,you have Little Jimmy who just graduated and is completely wet behind the ears. Then you have Kinda Big John who well thinks he is awesome,because,he was a farmer and has a big boy tractor.
Then walks in Super Sam, with a resume to die for,years of every kind of possible situtation and experience  under his belt and you know he's your guy. Infact you almost think he's  to good to be true.
What it all this boils down to is who is the perfect person to take your open position to the next level. Little Jimmy, Kinda Big John or Super Sam? The decision ???? Kinda Big John. Why not choose the person with the most knowledge? I wish I could explain that. I honestly have no idea. If this is what happens to you when you have spent hundreds and thousands of dollars to go to school and learn a craft, isn't that kinda a smack in the face? What is the point of striving for a higher education ?

There are many other points I'm sure that can be touched on here. This is just the tip on the iceberg. Bottom line is this, why do you have to work so hard in life and your career,only to be rejected by circumstances??

I'd love to hear thoughts on this.. please feel free to start a conversation with me or just vent .

The leaves are brown and we have a fungus

I've debated on whether I need to write about this season in our life, but it then hit me.I HAVE TO. Why do I have to? Because there is another "sister" going through this somewhere and my blog could be exactly what she needs to get out of bed today. Or me writing down what's in my head could be the reason I get out of bed today.

Truth is,we are treading on very tough waters mentally and physically. Our life is in a complete whirlwind of panic(well I'm in a panic,grass grower not so much) and limbo. Anyone who has been through this knows the industry is a hurry up and wait type of thing. There are so many channels that come with the hiring process and the speed is never fast enough for the person actually perusing the open position.

Deep down inside, I know my grass grower is pretty freaking talented so it's just a matter of time before the feast or fammin stage rolls in. But in the mean time the fammin is enough to drive any strong man,woman, dog,cat,monster,elephant(you get my drift)CRAZY!!!!

I was watching a movie the other day ..ok I was watching a mafia movie ..😂😂😂 and I honestly felt like wow this is my life.. well minus criminal activities and offing of people. (Please stay with me here, I swear I have a point.) But what I'm going after here is the "family" bond thing. When a fellow is down, the outpouring of love,kindness,and community is overwhelming. For all of that,we are entirely grestful and we love you all!!!!!

One thing I have noticed the most is the change in direction of my grass grower. The change mentally. The realization that it doesn't matter where, he just wants to grow grass. I was kinda,worried about him in this transition,but as in any situation,he has put on his big boy cargo shorts(Pat Jones reference) and handing it all like a boss. Maybe he has to, because his wife, is a complete lunatic in the negative nelly zone.

The good news is this is just a season(a rather shitastic season)but seasons change. The wind blows a different direction and your life can completely change in the matter of a breath. Or in my case a growing season.

Please Cease and Desist

"Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken."
-Orson Scott Card

Well hello there world! First and foremost,I would just like to say, I haven't fallen off the face of the round ball we call earth.

Second,when life puts you up against a wall,a true lady must remain classy,do a cute little hair swipe,throw on some lip gloss and handle it. Handle it like a true hip-hop gangster going into a rap battle.

Stay tuned...once we know..you will know ...

P.s. please pray for my grass gower...he's getting on my nerves ..😂

I grew grass once upon a dream..

So check this out..I hate that most of my writing is at the expense of my grass gower,but sometimes it's just hard not to let it go.I do admit I sometimes,not everytime,feel a nagging sense of guilt,that I'm writing at his expense,But come on here,HOW CAN I NOT???If you are living this crazy life,it's best if you make lemonade with all the lemons that get thrown at you.

Insert reason number 45567865 why I adore my MOT!It isn't enough that he and the rest of the grass growing mafia keep insane hours,it becomes comical when THEY CAN NEVER SHUT IT OFF.I'm not speaking of talking about Holly 24/7,I'm talking about the probably 4 hrs of sleep they get at night.

I'm talking about when I come into our bedroom to sleep after he's gone to bed 2 to 3 hours before me. (Remember I only get a good 2 hrs of quality husband time before he checks out at around 7:30. It's a party if he stays up past 8)I truly wish I was that evil and I'd record this "sleep "conversations.

Being with this man for as long as I have,(in turf years at least 80)I have verbally witnessed how to properly unload bunker sand, and what happens to you ,if god forbid, you do it wrong.(think Alice and Wonderland, Off with their heads!!!) I've learned how to run a Spanish speaking crew,how to chew arse if you do something wrong and how to argue your case in front of the board for a bigger budget.(I'm telling you. .real first world stuff here folks!!!) 

Some of these sleep time shenanigans are hysterical. But most of the time as hard as it is not to laugh,I just feel sorry for him.Why? Because I know his stress and pain. It's not fair most of the time,the mental strain that comes along with growing grass.But,we all know that there is ALWAYS a grasstastic emergency somewhere,even if it's in dreamland.As a good little obedient TURF WIFE( you're laughing if you truly know me ) I'm still supportive,just listen,and fight every fiber in my being not to hit the,record button on my phone.Instead I just write about it. HA!

I'd love to hear your "dream" stories about your MOT. Feel free to send them my way. I'm sure there's some great stuff out there!!

Look up,look down,my neck hurts!

So I read an amazing article the other day from a grass grower/now salesman.It was in the latest issue of Golf Course Industry Magazine, "Turf heads take over" A peer of my grass grower,my MOT ,wrote an amazing article, and of course I'm going to give him a shout out, Adam Garr, "Look Up." (find it and read it ..if not I'll send you the link or just;        click here

His article REALLY hit home with me.Not just because I'm in a glamorous marriage filled with glitter and sparkles, but because I feel my MOT is always looking down.It's taken a miracle,an act of god to be exact, to make the heavens move to FINALLY get him to look up . It's taken years to be exact ,but I think he finally gets it.Don't get me wrong here, after almost 16 years of being together,he's finally kinda, well not really, looking up for at least 5 mins every hour, but I'll take it . My life still revolves around dirt,budgets, equipment and other things that just put me to sleep. But at least on Wednesday's ( not really I'm just using this for a wow,factor ! ) I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

You see there was a time where I wanted out.I just couldn't deal with being the other woman, and I had no clue to how compete with dirt , roots and a board room.But for some reason I had an epitome. I wouldn't let all of the above define me and rule my world and dictate my marriage.I would "make him look up "Even if it killed me!It took me years to do it, but guess what I finally won. Fast forward to now, and I truly believe we both have a better understanding of time and responsibility. 

I can remember the exact situation,when my MOT finally got it.Our daughter was 6 months old . We were on a very much needed family vacation, and he got to witness a milestone.Up until that week, she basically had no clue who he was.I'm not exaggerating here,she would basically cry and get scared when he'd interact with her.He was a foreign being.I'm sorry but no job ,career, salary, etc takes the place of family period!But, guess,what ? He took the time to focus on us for once,and our sweet girl rewarded him .She didn't crawl to me .She crawled to him! Those moments you just can't get back, and I thank God everyday,he gave my MOT clarity. As soon as we returned home, he resigned from his position and chose us !I'm not saying that was the easiest or best decision that was made,but because of his heart,he chose what was most important to him.

I'd like to think of myself as a very strong girl.I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.The most important part of us having the marriage that we do is, I give my MOT time to look down and I don't fault him for it. Yes I do get highly annoyed, but whats the point? It just gives me unwanted stress.I understand that a typical work week is at least 60 to 70 hours . In fact if he comes home before 4 pm I get panicked. I've learned over the years to channel my frustrations into admiration. Happy wife happy life!

You see once you sign up to be married to a grass grower, you just have to accept it .You can't try to change it or belittle them because they are missing out.If you do, trust me, life is going to be miserable and Guess what?? you will never win !!! A great way to sum it all up is simply they are to their properties as a heroin addict is to the drug. Kinda extreme ,but it's truth what I write!.They can't breathe without it .It's simply my job as his turf wife to occasionally punch him in the face and make him "look up" or possibly set the house on fire so he will have to come home at some point! 

Again Adam, thanks for your words and hopefully my "crazy" did the meaning of your article justice, from a wives perspective of course!

This will mostly likely be my last entry for the holiday season, thank you all so much for following along.I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a very blessed New Year! 

xoxo

Trish

Think before you leap

Find the right job ,not the right now job. This is a saying I say to my grass grower all the time . Now before I go into this entry, I am in no way insinuating my MOT isn't happy at his current property or is looking to relocate us again. I'm also pretty sure he'd fear for his life ,if he uttered those 2 words to me "We're moving" especially after everything we've been through this year. So as of right now his life is safe!

Ok, now that we are all crystal clear, we shall begin! I do always wonder  this though. Most "normal" people intend to stay at their current places of employment forever. Grass growers I feel are always in the pursuit of more. Why can't it just be enough? Even if they're currently happy at their current property. (Again I'm not insinuating anything here,I also get in the beginning of one's career ,you need experience in different zones etc ) Ok back to what i was saying. In my opinion, I'm going to compare it to this. Probably not a great comparison, but I'm a girl, and this is how girls think. Think playing on a farm league in baseball (which your soul is happy doing so) but you're still doing everything you can to receive that phone call that you've been called up to the "Big League " Trust me, I get it . The glory,the accomplishment, the gigantic pay increase. But is that team the right team for you? Is that move going to be a good fit for your family or just for your career?  Is it going to put your name on the map? Or is it going to blow up in your face because you jumped in feet first,didn't  research the offer and didn't have a heart to heart with your head  and or your "people"?

I'm not saying don't take the chance either. I'm just saying weigh the pros and the cons .At whatever level you are on, or striving to be on ,just look at the big picture. The only thing that should matter is ,you are being able to do what you love and be true to yourself,regardless of what playing level you are on . That's the most important part .

I'm sure some of you are reading this thinking, why wouldn't you want to be the best you can be in your chosen field and strive for excellence? I completely agree with this thought. BUT I can't stress this enough, do the research, make sure this is the right long term decision, not the right now this is awesome , o my God  (sorry lord) I'm doing this decision.

In my years of being a Turf Wife, I have seen this happen so many times . Heck I've even lived it a time or two. Sometimes great moves,sometimes horrific moves. Each experience has made me who I am today, and also has made me a stronger wife,with the ability to bring my MOT back down to earth at times. Ladies we've all been there and I'm sure we have shared the same piece of string. Think the Sisterhood of the traveling pants ,but with a traveling string instead.

My plea to anyone reading this is, just always ask yourself "is this the right job or the right now job"
I am also giving you full permission to use my "trishaism" unless someone decides to trademark it and make it their own idea. This is proof I came up with it first.. ha ha ha

Ok..I'm done ..I'm stepping off my soap box. Carry on and have a happy day !

They see me rolling in a,van down by the river

Yes..I haven't updated in a bit . No I haven't fallen off the wagon . Yes I'm still true to my cause of bringing  the voice of the "turf wife" to the masses. I just kinda took a much needed mental break . You see my life sometimes gets really overwhelming and I tend to crawl in a cave until I can properly "deal" . Being a warrior of turf life awareness, sometimes makes me stressed out beyond complete comprehension .

If you've been following along on the hot mess express that I call life , our beloved dog died, my husband moved us after 10 years of being "stable " and just last week our Florida home FINALLY sold. To say I've been on complete auto pilot ,is an understatement. Yes I've managed to write and update but that was me being me and pulling out the facade of I'm ok and everything is glitter bombs and rainbow bullshit.
The sad part is ,only my turf wives understand . Because ..WE'VE ALL BE THERE . I do credit my beloved MOT, because he's completely left me alone and let me deal . He's only gotten on me a fraction of times to get my crap together and continue on my crusade .

The great thing about having a blog and being a complete slacker is , whenever you decide to re-visit yr crazy, it welcomes you back . No questions, no judgement ,just an ok I'm glad you're FINALLY here ,now let's get this started !

With that being said,  Merry Christmas ,Happy Holidays, Happy day drinking because our husbands are going to be home way to much and our kids are going to be little turds .

The Little Turf Wife That Could

This entry goes out to my fellow turf wives . I'm seasoned on this "lifestyle " and I, like all of us , know way more that I want to .

When do you finally forgive ? When do you finally let go of all of the resentment. How do you let go?How can you mentally tell yourself that life is going to be OK ?  How can you be supportive, when you know the current life change is turning out to be everything you were promised it wasn't going to be ????. How can you still keep it together ? How can you possibly even still begin to be his biggest fan, his sounding block,his go to person, all the while trying not to scream I told you so? Why are we continually going through the motions and just accepting this is the way it is ? I really have no answers to any of the questions I just shot out. I amaze myself on the daily. I look back and still question at times how we are still married.  

You can count your blessings ,but faith only can take you, and your sanity so far . How are you not supposed to look your MOT in the face, and not want to punch him .You can't be upset with him , he took a chance. You can't be pissed off at things beyond your control.You can't become selfish and just expect.You have to look over things and just accept.You can only hope for the best and expect the worst .

Truthfully, I'm so sick of hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. There has got to be something better in this life . I'm so ready for him to get out . I'm tired . He's tired . But we just keep pushing on . I don't want to be the bad guy and crush his dreams. I would never in a million years ask him to stop growing grass EVER. But, sometimes I  want to tell him that, every decision he's making isn't a step further into that "dream property" Could it be that dream possibly isn't attainable anymore?  Could it be possible he's reached the ceiling? .. or could it be possible that I've finally given up ?

I think its the latter of the two. No matter what you do in life, you always are going to have good days and bad days. It's the how you deal with the days is what matters the most. Personally I just get so sick of being put in an attention fight with dirt and grass blades. Some days its annoys me more than others. 

Renovations suck, Grow ins suck and the 2 weeks before reopening suck even more! But here I sit, holding on to hope, his word, that next week will be MUCH better. We won't have to deal with seeing him for 20 mins , then he will be asleep. I won't have to answer our daughter with the I don't know verbiage, when she asks me 20 times an hour when Dad is going to be home. I'm crossing every finger, toe,eye, leg etc. THAT THIS IS THE LAST TIME, even though I'm sure , no positive, we will be going down this road again.

In the meantime..2 more days!!!!!!!! I can do this...I have wine, and we are still married....

O snap....There goes Caper....

Wowzars!!!! Let me put my sunglasses on for this one . I'm sorry if you are reading this in any type of light and you are now blinded by the 15 shades lighter of any color of white you have ever possibly imagined in your life . I wonder if this is the bright light people speak of when they have crossed over to the "other side" ,only to come back and talk about it .

This picture actually speaks volumes to me,besides the very weird tan line and the obvious nocturnal shade of white. This picture may or may not be living proof that my MOT actually put on the freaking sunscreen. The one of the 500 tubes I've purchased for him.I'm assuming it was the spray bottle. Knowing my MOT,it was the easiest thing to grab and apply as he realized his ankles were on fire . 

In this day and age why is it so hard to explain the seriousness of applying sunscreen,MORE THAN ONCE A DAY! Aren't they aware that you need to apply it every 2 hrs,especially if you are outside for hours on end every single day? Maybe there comes a time where their brains are just completely fried and they just forget. Maybe they assume they are the Teflon Don and skin cancer doesn't apply to them. 

I guess I should just be happy that he remembers "sometimes" and that he actually wear shoes ...I wonder how long it would take to actually tan his feet . My guess is the second Tuesday of never ! 

Good news is we now live in a place where its eventually going to be cold . But then I'll have to nag that you still can get sunburned in freezing temps..

Sigh a Turf Wife's work is never done ...

Grow in day -what the hell is that?? 

MOT-might be getting a spray tan in his near future 

ME- making fun of my beloved MOT

HOLLY- doesn't quite know what to say 

Sometimes Silence is Best

I truly feel like sometimes I sound like a broken record . Constantly having to explain my "life" to others . Why I have to plan my life around my hubs job, why it's extremely difficult to chase after my own dreams and why I always seem to have an excuse for every solution.

It gets exhausting trying to explain a Turf Wife's existence. WE are the glue that holds our families together and the oil that keeps the engine running at full speed. If  we break down, take a day off or throw any type of wrench into our normal, well our family goes to sheet .

Now before I give a negative impression about a MOT, mine in particular, he's amazing,he's a great dad to our daughter. He truly is my rock ! He's my biggest cheerleader.  He's always there when I need him to be .I might have to remind him 500 times and call him every 20 minutes to make sure he remembers ,but he will always come through . Any Turf Wife reading this will know exactly what I am talking about.That's just it though, anyone outside our "life" really doesn't understand.

What  really gets to me though, how hard it is for some people just to realize my husband doesn't work a M-F 9 to 5 job.

Yes,you might see his truck in the driveway at 2 pm on a Wednesday ,VERY rarely I might add,but it does happen every blue moon . I'm positive no one will notice him pulling in at 8pm the 6 other days of the week .

The older I get and the more seasoned I become in this industry,the more I notice the "outsiders" just really are clueless about this "our" life. I'm almost to the point of just telling anyone new I meet,I'm independently wealthy,and you might see me with a guy from time to time. It's complicated and I don't like to talk about our relationship.That way, I can save the loss of time ill never get back in my life with the 20min explanation of what my MOT does and still have to explain what I just explained because no one still knows what the heck I'm taking about.

My favorite response as of late is still "Oh so your husband is like a lawn maintenance guy" Yes exactly !!!( How do you even go on from there?) Another great one I've heard  "Its just grass why is he so stressed out?  It's not like he's a doctor saving a life ." Yup it's just grass. Please share this great affirmation with my MOT.

I could easily turn this whole post around and make it comical,but I'd be selling myself and"my sisters" short . Our existence is lonely, we are always put second even though our MOT'S will argue that. We can't just up and say I'm bored, I think I'm going to go and have a life changing experience today can you pick the kid up ? Or hey husband,take the weekend off and let's go out of town.I haven't seen you in 2 weeks can we have a lunch date? Or I'm sorry my husband had to leave your barbecue unexpectedly, his pump house just blew up and he has a grass eating fungus. .How the heck do you explain that????

The truth is no one knows any one's life until they walk a mile in ones shoes . It's very easy to give advice and solutions but, if the bigger picture is misunderstood, sometimes the best action is no reaction. 

A MOT'S guide to not getting a divorce

We all know this industry is the greatest on earth, but being involved romantically with a workaholic will take its toll on anyone . It's a really difficult balance for any MOT to try to be present in every aspect of life outside of their mistress.(their properties) I'm going to give you a run down on things that will make EVERY Turf wife happy .

1. If she calls,texts or emails you,PLEASE respond . Even if it's with a K. It takes 7 seconds to do so.We just want to be acknowledged.

2. If you say you're going to be home at 6, arrive home at 5:50. We already know MOT time is 2 plus hrs more than what was previously mentioned.

3. When and if you do actually get a day off, don't spend it sleeping.We realize you are exhausted,but we are exhausted too. Always be present if not mentally,at least physically.

4. When we tell you something,please listen and remember it. If you can't remember it,then write it down.

5. Please don't ever assume we know who or what your talking about .

6. Always offer us a day off.Just because you have a very demanding job,please don't consider ours any less.

7. If you know you are going to be later than what you originally thought,PICK UP THE PHONE and let us know.

8. If someone at work has ruined your day,please share it with us but don't bring the negativity home.

9. Please for the love of god,bring in all your pullovers and coffee mugs from your truck at least once a week.

10. Please communicate with us. We are already your biggest fans. Let us be "there" for you.

11. We love unexpected gifts.Flowers, food, anything really and it doesn't have to be expensive. It's the thought that counts.It's also away to score major brownie points.

12. When we are about to completely lose it,just listen,let us get it all out and then hug us.That is all we need.

13. Please don't ever think you work harder than we do.EVER ..

14. Please never just assume we will do it.Sometimes we need our knight on the big white horse to step in and solve it.

15. We sometimes,have given up our own "thing" to follow your "thing" please always remember that.

16. Make time for the kids.They miss you way more than your wife does. Period!

17. Make time for us.We miss you way more than our kids do.

18. We hate moving

19. When going to industry shows, please be real. We all know you're going to 2 seminars,the rest of the time will be spent reliving your college all-nighters and eating at really nice restaurants.

20. Use the sunscreen

21. If we are actually nice enough to make you lunch,please don't forget it in the morning.

22. If and when you have to go away overnight,please check in and don't send us pictures of your fun . We are already pissed off you get an adult night.We would just like to assume your sitting in your hotel room agonizing.

23. If and when we plan a girls night remember it and be home on time PERIOD!

24. We all know grass comes before family,but please learn how to find the happy medium

25. We want to hear about your day, just please explain it to us in English. We don't know or care about the correct verbiage.

26. After a long hot day please assure us you are staying hydrated throughout the day.We do worry about you.

27. When family time is happening,PLEASE stay off your phones. You're already with "her" and your assistants 20 hrs a day.We would just like the remaining 4 to be all about us .

28. Please let us know in advance if you are working the upcoming weekend.

29. Please at least offer to mow the yard.It's the thought that counts.

30. If we say we need you,we do. We are strong independent women,but sometimes we can't do everything.

31. Please be present for your children.The "firsts" only happen once.

32. When out in public,if we run into someone you know,please don't sit and talk for hours,it highly annoys us.

33. If we come to you and beg for better time management, please listen. These are not idle threats.

34. Please don't let your ego get the best of you.

35. We completely understand the amount of pressure you are under,but we refuse to walk on eggshells.
36. NOTICE THINGS!!!.. Notice when she gets her hair cut.Notice when the house is clean for 5 whole minutes.Notice what shes done all day, when you think she's done nothing. Doesn't matter what, JUST PAY ATTENTION AND NOTICE..ALWAYS!!!!! 

I'm sure I've missed a few. Please,feel free to let me know! We are on this journey together! We turf wives sometimes have a,hard time and that's OK...  As the saying goes happy wife ..happy life!

It's not Isis..its just army worms !!

Shhhhh... do you hear that ? ..comp comp comp ..crunch ..crunch.. spit ,burp..
That's Sargent Peppers Army of worms, completely destroying my back yard and mutilating my front yard .  Thank god I'm married to a Golf Course Superintendent!

These little fockers are the size of Texas and have more hair on them , than Harry of the Henderson's himself .( have no idea what I'm talking about ? Google it..your welcome ) even worse ?? ..Apparently these small dogs prey on innocent MOT'S and latch on to their cargo shorts,while at work,when no one is looking . Word on the street is they want to continue the party .Translocating deep into their pockets,then jumping train as soon as they pull into their own driveways.

Me being "the expert" in our family ,saw this coming a week ago. OK, now if you believe that ,I've also got some lake front property to sell you at a really rock bottom price .  Truth be told I actually thought my MOT had an oppsy moment and got carried away spraying his magic weed be gone juice . Then the "area" got bigger ...

Little did I realize a mini revolution was actually on the horizon . My first inclination should have been the birds, but that wasn't quite good enough for me . I had to actually walk under a tree in the back yard, and have Sargent Harry Pepper Worm and his "boys" try and buy me a drink . Ewwww...

So what do I do ? I call the MOT and precede to tell him I was just attacked and almost died . I'm sure I have army worm HIV now . What does he do ? Casually start into this 5 hour explanation on how it's that time of year,how he just dealt with it with "Holly" and there is stuff to spray for them in the garage. BLA BLA BLA .... Um mm..OK sure, I'll get right on that ,BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT UNMARKED JUG YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!! Insert eye roll ..

Sigh .. this is my life , meanwhile the worms have called in reinforcements.  My MOT "is going to take care of it " when he gets home . Notice he didn't say what day ......Stay tuned...

Grow in day -who cares ,we now have worms
Holly -who cares ,she gave my yard an TTC (turf transmitted Cooty )
Mot- he cares ,he'll just over seed and start over
Me- trying to find a cure for Army Worm HIV ...

Dear Jerk ......

Dear Arm Chair Superintendent,

You don't know me,but I know you . I know you better than you possibly think you know yourself . Please let me explain to you who I am . I'm the wife of the guy that grows your grass at your "golf club " .

I'm the wife of your golf course superintendent. You know the guy who you love when you are sinking birdie putts on every hole. I'm the wife of the guy who makes your epic round of golf possible . I'm also the wife of the guy who has probably ruined your epic round of golf because you don't understand the reasoning behind his choices.

What you don't understand here is this . Although this is just a game to you, this is our life .You and your foursome set the mood in my home .What you don't understand is, every  negative comment that rolls off your tongue ,sends a dagger straight to my husband's heart . Thanks for that, I thoroughly enjoy babysitting a brokenhearted man child. Because of your words my husband's mood when he arrives home is unbearable. We ,you know his family ,already don't get to see him for more that 3 hrs a day (if we're lucky ),you're Agronomic rants, insure the 3 hrs of family time are a complete nightmare !!!!!!! Again I appreciate you, maybe lets do lunch as a thank you!!!!

Let's get something straight here, although you might think you are above him with your fancy job and your wall of academic achievements,  You sir ,are sadly mistaken . My husband is a very educated man with countless years of education and a million light years of experience.

Just because you golf everyday doesn't make you an expert in his line of expertise. Your negative words and actions just make you a turd , and no one likes a turd!

Until you have physically walked a mile in his shoes or added an agronomy degree to your wall of knowledge , please just play your game ,drink your snuck in vodka (are you even allowed to do that ???!!!!???) and please refrain from speaking.  

Thank you for your time ,
Sincerely,
A VERY ANNOYED TURF WIFE


Disclaimer***** this is about no one in-particular and or club. Its just a blog post.. :)

Why ????

One question I'd love to have an answer to . "Why does a work related issue,suddenly become a Turf Wife's issue"? I mean seriously? I don't grow grass , I have no idea what anaerobic soil is (unless I Google it ) and I sure as heck don't understand the adequate flow speed for proper drainage through a line .

What I do understand is, whatever these foreign words are,they are affecting my happy little fortress. A place of tranquility, I've worked so hard to maintain . Leave Holly at the door , before you enter MY domain . Ha!!! Easier said than done .

In the perfect little bubble I live in, this is how it plays out in my mind . A reality check and a very temperamental MOT,has very quickly popped my daydream of butterflies and rainbows. Completely bringing  me back down to earth . I absolutely hate when Holly throws tantrums. I'm suddenly the mediator.

This time ,it's bigger than that . This time ,street cred, expertise , and recommendations are at stake . Might seem minuscule to the "outside" world ,but in "this" world it's Armageddon! I'm being forced to fight in a battle purely because of association.

The sad part is ,I don't have a solution. I'm a solver, a fix it type of chick . I should be used to this by now .........

Grow in day -35? (I've lost count)
HOLLY-9,567,456
MOT-2,565
ME-4

O let me count the ways....

You might be married ,dating, or living with a MOT if.......

1. Anything white they own has stubborn grass stains, blue dye or dirt stains in bedded so far in the fibers  no matter what you do ,bleaching ,burning or throwing them away. It still doesn't remove ANYTHING!!

2. Every article of clothing they own is either a pair of cargo shorts or a collard shirt with some type of logo design from some course that has 2  hour story attached to it . (Yawn)

3. They have 150 different hats, all with some type of logo you can't pronounce .

4. No matter how hard you try to clean, grass clippings will ALWAYS hide and multiply in your house when you are sleeping.

5. The inside of their trucks consist of 32 dirty pullovers ,47 coffee mugs and 12 missing invoices .

6. Your yard will always be "that" yard ,either Augusta National perfect or foreclosure scary . No exceptions ,no in between.

7. You're conversations will always include things you know nothing about . Chemical equations that sound like Arabic gossip and diseases that you swear are an STD.

8. 15 tubes of unopened sunscreen left in the garage ,because "they are going to bring this with them in the morning "

9. You argue in the front yard ,because you didn't mow it correctly

10. Superintendent time. "I'll be home in 30 mins " which translates to at least 2 hrs or more .

11. You're child's first real spoken  phrase was height of cut.

12. You have more golf balls and tee's than any normal human should see in their lifetime.

13.  You've forgotten what it feels like to eat a meal together .

14.  You know what nah nah errrr errrr  message delivered means

15. You are prohibited from even breathing while any type of weather is on .

16 . People assume you make make meth in the garage because there is 400 different types of unmarked "liquid " jugs.

17. You wear a wedding ring ,but no one has EVER seen your spouse . They just assume you're a widow .

18.  The Masters, US Open and the British Open are National holidays in your home and must be watched in silence and discussed ,then rewound to watch again ,if you missed an epic shot .

19.  You have a text book description of your spouses job tile ,because no one understands what they do.

20 . NO WE DON'T KNOW TIGER WOODS !!!!

21. You're on a first name basis with all sales reps and consider them part of the family .

22. You consider living in the next town over because you can't go out in public without running into a member and having a "talk shop" discussion.

23.  You're life is planned around 2 seasons . Growing and Dormant.

24.  You are now an agronomist. You can spot, treat and diagnose "turf problems"

25.  You moved more times in the past 5 years than the stock market.

26.  Your kids have now become mini meteorological wizards and get excited that daddy will be home soon..

27. You know what the 57 different types of equipment in the shop are and what they are used for .

28. A road trip is never complete without designing a mythological state of the art,roadside golf facility.

29. What's a road trip?

30. You have accepted , named and grown to love your spouse's mistress. (His course)

31. You've seen more money spent on radar apps than you've spent on shoes in your life time .

THE END !!!

Dear Turf Wife,

Have you ever been somewhere and had an ah ha moment, or an epitome about your life ? A moment in time where you wish you could go back and coach your younger self with the guidance of your older self ?
O the things I would tell her . The love I would give her and the guidance I'd lead her to. I'd tell her to take that trip ,(even if it meant only eating Ramen noodles  for a month ) buy those shoes,(quality over quantity) The boy who grows grass,you happen to meet at work ..RUN..don't make eye contact just RUN. (Ha I'm only kidding )
As a very seasoned veteran to the  "turf lifestyle " I've been through every possible scenario ,and circumstance with my MOT. Some have been amazing,some have been completely gut wrenching . But all these little bumps,curves and potholes have taught me to press on and be strong .
My only regret is not fully understanding what being married to a MOT actually meant . They don't come with a handbook of instructions or a stapled cliff note on how to understand this industry. Can you imagine how informative that would be ???? How much time and energy a Turf Wife could actually save for her own sanity ??!!??
I am an open book when it comes to my life as a Turf Wife and if I could ever give any advice to anyone "thinking" about going down this road ,this is what I'd tell you . I'm going to give 2 sets of advice here . Assistant vs Superintendent

Assistant Superintendent Turf Wife
1. He has no name for himself . He will have to prove himself and get his hands dirty. He will work more than you think he needs to , he's  responsible for way more than you think he's paid for and he will work every single weekend ,holiday etc .
2. I can almost bet you , you will hate his Superintendent. Why? because he's to hard on him or you feel he's never there . Learn to love that guy ! He can make or break your life !
3.YOU WILL BE PUT ON THE BACK BURNER. Doesn't matter how much you fight with him about it . Be prepared to just deal with it. When he's actually with you ,he will either be sleeping , in a bad mood or on the phone with his Superintendent. Sorry that's just the way it goes.
3. When he thinks he's actually ready for his own course ,he's not ! This won't happen overnight .. He still has to earn it . The industry decides when he's ready . Don't push him .
4.You will constantly have to move.Get used to explaining that to your family.  New locations mean more  growing experience. and more friends for you !

5. Always remember he does love you but the course always comes first He's bettering himself for the future. Find strength within yourself to be independent and not rely on him.Always have your own thing going on. 

Superintendent Turf Wife
1.He has made a name for himself, but in his mind its never "big enough" He will always want that dream retirement course or want that tour stop on his resume.He will still work way to much and not get paid nearly enough for his efforts. 

2.You will have a love hate relationship with his career, course and assistants. They will all make or break you!! Learn to deal with the good ,bad and the ugly! Celebrate the fact you now can diagnose "turf emergencies" in your own yard and take the correct action.! 

3. YOU ARE STILL ON THE BACK BURNER, but now you have a family. Be the queen of your castle and run it like a well oiled machine. Praise your MOT when he is home and complain about him when he isn't there. For the love of god listen to his stories and learn from them. They actually do help you out once in awhile. 

4.By now you will have moved more times than you can count. Save the boxes , heck invest in plastic containers.Never truly get to relaxed. you can blink and your on the move again. Enjoy your surroundings while you can.  Relish in the relationships you have formed over the years with people all across the country. Those women will make your heart happy! 

5.When he has a problem, it becomes your problem. His happiness is dependent on green speeds, root depth, blade height and sharp reels.He's in a constant battle with dirt and grass.Even when you want to punch him, hug him instead. You truly don't know his stress!!!

6. Always remember he does love you but the course always comes first . Find strength within yourself to be independent and not rely on him.Always have cold beer on hand and expensive wine for yourself!!!!

In closing (Thank god! This was a long post!) bottom line is, love your life, embrace it, never regret your choices and learn from experience.  You are both in this "lifestyle" together. There is no perfect way or wrong way to deal.with it!  Just keep on keeping on the best way you can! You Got This!!

Bella Verde Césped !!!

Mow the yard he said . It will be fun he said . Ha! Little did he (MOT)  know , that this Turf Wife would not only mow his precious grass blades but she would mow perfectly straight lines . I think its,safe to say I'm not directionally challenged .(this is an inside joke between my MOT and myself) 

I'm in a constant battle with my MOT about our yard . I know ... I've written about it before . But this "battle" has now turned into a "friendly"competition. 

This competition is probably mainly in my head.  I'm totally fine admitting that . I'm sure I'm harboring some deep down inside resentment and this is my way of throwing salt in his wounds .Secrely stabbing him where it hurts . His precious grass!!!!

Every time I start that mower ,something comes over me . A feeling that I have to out shine him .So what if his course is beautiful. Look at MY yard .MY doing, NOT the big important Golf Course Superintendent, with all the fancy degrees.  .. I really can't tell you the reasoning behind it . Maybe because I'm nuts .I'm thinking ha ,I've out done you ,what are you going to say about that ? Would Holly do anything like this for you?????

 In reality this is what is really happening ...  Every time he arrives home and sees his yard mowed, he's probably on his hands and knees crying thankful tears of joy in the driveway, or laughing that his reverse psychological powers are playing out exactly the way he has planned . I'M MOWING THE FREAKING YARD AND HE'S NOT . Which ever it is , it's getting done and that's all that matters . We are a team and so what if he's brainwashing me . Sometimes he deserves a break, and freshly mowed turf.

Lifestyles of the Turf and Famous

YOU MIGHT BE MARRIED TO A  MOT................... If you find yourself watching TV together.. right ? very rare.. almost unbelievable, during which you're watching some type of sporting event and your significant other starts in on a 3 hr rant (OK 5 mins but I dozed off after 2.5 seconds )about how Xyz bla bla bla striped the field the wrong way according to player and spectator vision .Seriously???.. Does  this even matter in real life ? Come on here , innocent chickens are killed everyday by the masses for their succulent wings and he's worried about directional striping patterns. Even worse,wait..... What the heck is happening here? He's now making perfect logical sense to me.I'm now honing in on this grass massacre. I...just...can't..look..away...My eyes are starting to bleed and I'm becoming very annoyed. What the heck this the matter with me? When did this actually start to matter ?????

 I can't make up anything  in our "normal" day to day life, even if I tried to really hard!. I seriously think we belong on a reality TV show.  Picture this... I'm holding down the fort, looking, impeccable, in full hair, makeup,skinny jeans and really expensive shoes . He's worried about his grass, It hasnt rained in days....He's stalking his really expensive radar technology system, that's just now stopped working..It's gone off line THE HORROR!! .He's really pissed off ..Why isn't his assistant picking up his phone .????? All the while I'm in the background looking completely fabulous ,drinking wine looking concerned. We are both playing it up for the camera.I wonder if I could actually pitch this to important TV people . It might actually work ..

So let's get back to the case at hand here . Does my MOT actually think analyzing these things and discussing them with me counts as communication ? Are we both actually trying to save the world by critiquing this field what wasn't mowed correctly? figuratively speaking of course... I'm sure in his mind we are spending quality time together .In my mind ,I'm begging for the phone to ring or perhaps an earthquake.
I do realize these subjects are important to him so they have to be important to me. ,and I actually have learned a lot ,so at least I'm getting something out of it . He's educating me how to call him out when I see "disease" in our own turf empire (our yard) or when the stripes have been mowed by someone with directional issues Insert evil laugh.

But the best part about this is though He's HOME, He's NOT asleep, He's NOT on his phone, He's NOT with Holly , He's with ME!!!!...  ....WOT-3 ,MOT-27 ,HOLLY-2,536,658,028

P.s. This is the "correct" way to stripe..
P.s.s Yes this is brown patch
P.s.s.s. Yes.. those ARE weeds...

Dem Babies...

It's no secret I have a love/hate relationship with my husband's career . I've made countless entries poking fun at him ,giving him praises and explaining the sultry details of the other woman  (his course ..don't get to excited) in our marriage . What I haven't ever really touched on ,is the effect of this industry on KOTS..(Kids of turf ) .
Let me rephrase that ..the effect on my KOT.  So here goes . We have a beautiful 12 yr old girl ,who is the epitome of strength, beauty and character.  She was born in Augusta, GA..I'm sure my MOT planned that out. In the beginning of her life ,my MOT was a foreign being to her . He'd leave before the sun came up and arrive home long after it set . There would be a day or 2 that he wouldn't even get to see her . You'd never know that now,they are best friends ! Thank God!!! In her short 12 yrs on this earth we have moved 4 times . Luckily for her, 3 of those  moves she was a baby and could really careless . Her only basic need was liquid in her sippy cup and an endless supply of fruit snacks . This 4th move actually stung alittle.  Why ? Because we were settled for 9 years . She got to have a normal childhood ,make life long friends and have some type of structure . This 4th move is a new beginning for all of us .

I can't help but want to praise these babies.  They are so young ,but yet so wise . Most Kot's know by the age of 3 that Dad works ALOT,hardly ever home before bedtime, but he has really cool stuff at his office .(Golf cart's, tractors, big mowers etc ) Mommy pretty much runs the show and most importantly when the weather is on,you need to be quite !

I wonder if this "lifestyle" actually takes a  toll on their little minds . Does it make them sad dad isn't home alot? Or do they just go on about their lives because they have never known any different ? Do they feel the tightness in the air when Mommy is about to lose her biscuits because she just desperately needs a break ? Or Do they know daddy has a disease on his greens and is being a complete turd ? I'm guessing no to all of the above ! Why ? Because we are raising amazing humans !!!!!! We as Turf Wives are doing everything in our power to pick up the slack without our kids skipping a beat .
I can say this though ..these kids are very strong ,resilient, and smarter than we all think . I also believe being born into this lifestyle, they will be taught to have thick skin, a crazy amazing work ethic ,a sense of wanderlust and adventure. Mostly importantly no matter what ..your family is everything . 
In many ways I feel very fortunate our KOT is being exposed to everything this lifestyle has to offer . Her like every other KOT, they are being taught the sky has no limits ,regardless of your situation and for that ..I am thankful !!!!