It's not Isis..its just army worms !!

Shhhhh... do you hear that ? ..comp comp comp ..crunch ..crunch.. spit ,burp..
That's Sargent Peppers Army of worms, completely destroying my back yard and mutilating my front yard .  Thank god I'm married to a Golf Course Superintendent!

These little fockers are the size of Texas and have more hair on them , than Harry of the Henderson's himself .( have no idea what I'm talking about ? Google it..your welcome ) even worse ?? ..Apparently these small dogs prey on innocent MOT'S and latch on to their cargo shorts,while at work,when no one is looking . Word on the street is they want to continue the party .Translocating deep into their pockets,then jumping train as soon as they pull into their own driveways.

Me being "the expert" in our family ,saw this coming a week ago. OK, now if you believe that ,I've also got some lake front property to sell you at a really rock bottom price .  Truth be told I actually thought my MOT had an oppsy moment and got carried away spraying his magic weed be gone juice . Then the "area" got bigger ...

Little did I realize a mini revolution was actually on the horizon . My first inclination should have been the birds, but that wasn't quite good enough for me . I had to actually walk under a tree in the back yard, and have Sargent Harry Pepper Worm and his "boys" try and buy me a drink . Ewwww...

So what do I do ? I call the MOT and precede to tell him I was just attacked and almost died . I'm sure I have army worm HIV now . What does he do ? Casually start into this 5 hour explanation on how it's that time of year,how he just dealt with it with "Holly" and there is stuff to spray for them in the garage. BLA BLA BLA .... Um mm..OK sure, I'll get right on that ,BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT UNMARKED JUG YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!! Insert eye roll ..

Sigh .. this is my life , meanwhile the worms have called in reinforcements.  My MOT "is going to take care of it " when he gets home . Notice he didn't say what day ......Stay tuned...

Grow in day -who cares ,we now have worms
Holly -who cares ,she gave my yard an TTC (turf transmitted Cooty )
Mot- he cares ,he'll just over seed and start over
Me- trying to find a cure for Army Worm HIV ...

Dear Jerk ......

Dear Arm Chair Superintendent,

You don't know me,but I know you . I know you better than you possibly think you know yourself . Please let me explain to you who I am . I'm the wife of the guy that grows your grass at your "golf club " .

I'm the wife of your golf course superintendent. You know the guy who you love when you are sinking birdie putts on every hole. I'm the wife of the guy who makes your epic round of golf possible . I'm also the wife of the guy who has probably ruined your epic round of golf because you don't understand the reasoning behind his choices.

What you don't understand here is this . Although this is just a game to you, this is our life .You and your foursome set the mood in my home .What you don't understand is, every  negative comment that rolls off your tongue ,sends a dagger straight to my husband's heart . Thanks for that, I thoroughly enjoy babysitting a brokenhearted man child. Because of your words my husband's mood when he arrives home is unbearable. We ,you know his family ,already don't get to see him for more that 3 hrs a day (if we're lucky ),you're Agronomic rants, insure the 3 hrs of family time are a complete nightmare !!!!!!! Again I appreciate you, maybe lets do lunch as a thank you!!!!

Let's get something straight here, although you might think you are above him with your fancy job and your wall of academic achievements,  You sir ,are sadly mistaken . My husband is a very educated man with countless years of education and a million light years of experience.

Just because you golf everyday doesn't make you an expert in his line of expertise. Your negative words and actions just make you a turd , and no one likes a turd!

Until you have physically walked a mile in his shoes or added an agronomy degree to your wall of knowledge , please just play your game ,drink your snuck in vodka (are you even allowed to do that ???!!!!???) and please refrain from speaking.  

Thank you for your time ,
Sincerely,
A VERY ANNOYED TURF WIFE


Disclaimer***** this is about no one in-particular and or club. Its just a blog post.. :)

Why ????

One question I'd love to have an answer to . "Why does a work related issue,suddenly become a Turf Wife's issue"? I mean seriously? I don't grow grass , I have no idea what anaerobic soil is (unless I Google it ) and I sure as heck don't understand the adequate flow speed for proper drainage through a line .

What I do understand is, whatever these foreign words are,they are affecting my happy little fortress. A place of tranquility, I've worked so hard to maintain . Leave Holly at the door , before you enter MY domain . Ha!!! Easier said than done .

In the perfect little bubble I live in, this is how it plays out in my mind . A reality check and a very temperamental MOT,has very quickly popped my daydream of butterflies and rainbows. Completely bringing  me back down to earth . I absolutely hate when Holly throws tantrums. I'm suddenly the mediator.

This time ,it's bigger than that . This time ,street cred, expertise , and recommendations are at stake . Might seem minuscule to the "outside" world ,but in "this" world it's Armageddon! I'm being forced to fight in a battle purely because of association.

The sad part is ,I don't have a solution. I'm a solver, a fix it type of chick . I should be used to this by now .........

Grow in day -35? (I've lost count)
HOLLY-9,567,456
MOT-2,565
ME-4

O let me count the ways....

You might be married ,dating, or living with a MOT if.......

1. Anything white they own has stubborn grass stains, blue dye or dirt stains in bedded so far in the fibers  no matter what you do ,bleaching ,burning or throwing them away. It still doesn't remove ANYTHING!!

2. Every article of clothing they own is either a pair of cargo shorts or a collard shirt with some type of logo design from some course that has 2  hour story attached to it . (Yawn)

3. They have 150 different hats, all with some type of logo you can't pronounce .

4. No matter how hard you try to clean, grass clippings will ALWAYS hide and multiply in your house when you are sleeping.

5. The inside of their trucks consist of 32 dirty pullovers ,47 coffee mugs and 12 missing invoices .

6. Your yard will always be "that" yard ,either Augusta National perfect or foreclosure scary . No exceptions ,no in between.

7. You're conversations will always include things you know nothing about . Chemical equations that sound like Arabic gossip and diseases that you swear are an STD.

8. 15 tubes of unopened sunscreen left in the garage ,because "they are going to bring this with them in the morning "

9. You argue in the front yard ,because you didn't mow it correctly

10. Superintendent time. "I'll be home in 30 mins " which translates to at least 2 hrs or more .

11. You're child's first real spoken  phrase was height of cut.

12. You have more golf balls and tee's than any normal human should see in their lifetime.

13.  You've forgotten what it feels like to eat a meal together .

14.  You know what nah nah errrr errrr  message delivered means

15. You are prohibited from even breathing while any type of weather is on .

16 . People assume you make make meth in the garage because there is 400 different types of unmarked "liquid " jugs.

17. You wear a wedding ring ,but no one has EVER seen your spouse . They just assume you're a widow .

18.  The Masters, US Open and the British Open are National holidays in your home and must be watched in silence and discussed ,then rewound to watch again ,if you missed an epic shot .

19.  You have a text book description of your spouses job tile ,because no one understands what they do.

20 . NO WE DON'T KNOW TIGER WOODS !!!!

21. You're on a first name basis with all sales reps and consider them part of the family .

22. You consider living in the next town over because you can't go out in public without running into a member and having a "talk shop" discussion.

23.  You're life is planned around 2 seasons . Growing and Dormant.

24.  You are now an agronomist. You can spot, treat and diagnose "turf problems"

25.  You moved more times in the past 5 years than the stock market.

26.  Your kids have now become mini meteorological wizards and get excited that daddy will be home soon..

27. You know what the 57 different types of equipment in the shop are and what they are used for .

28. A road trip is never complete without designing a mythological state of the art,roadside golf facility.

29. What's a road trip?

30. You have accepted , named and grown to love your spouse's mistress. (His course)

31. You've seen more money spent on radar apps than you've spent on shoes in your life time .

THE END !!!

Dear Turf Wife,

Have you ever been somewhere and had an ah ha moment, or an epitome about your life ? A moment in time where you wish you could go back and coach your younger self with the guidance of your older self ?
O the things I would tell her . The love I would give her and the guidance I'd lead her to. I'd tell her to take that trip ,(even if it meant only eating Ramen noodles  for a month ) buy those shoes,(quality over quantity) The boy who grows grass,you happen to meet at work ..RUN..don't make eye contact just RUN. (Ha I'm only kidding )
As a very seasoned veteran to the  "turf lifestyle " I've been through every possible scenario ,and circumstance with my MOT. Some have been amazing,some have been completely gut wrenching . But all these little bumps,curves and potholes have taught me to press on and be strong .
My only regret is not fully understanding what being married to a MOT actually meant . They don't come with a handbook of instructions or a stapled cliff note on how to understand this industry. Can you imagine how informative that would be ???? How much time and energy a Turf Wife could actually save for her own sanity ??!!??
I am an open book when it comes to my life as a Turf Wife and if I could ever give any advice to anyone "thinking" about going down this road ,this is what I'd tell you . I'm going to give 2 sets of advice here . Assistant vs Superintendent

Assistant Superintendent Turf Wife
1. He has no name for himself . He will have to prove himself and get his hands dirty. He will work more than you think he needs to , he's  responsible for way more than you think he's paid for and he will work every single weekend ,holiday etc .
2. I can almost bet you , you will hate his Superintendent. Why? because he's to hard on him or you feel he's never there . Learn to love that guy ! He can make or break your life !
3.YOU WILL BE PUT ON THE BACK BURNER. Doesn't matter how much you fight with him about it . Be prepared to just deal with it. When he's actually with you ,he will either be sleeping , in a bad mood or on the phone with his Superintendent. Sorry that's just the way it goes.
3. When he thinks he's actually ready for his own course ,he's not ! This won't happen overnight .. He still has to earn it . The industry decides when he's ready . Don't push him .
4.You will constantly have to move.Get used to explaining that to your family.  New locations mean more  growing experience. and more friends for you !

5. Always remember he does love you but the course always comes first He's bettering himself for the future. Find strength within yourself to be independent and not rely on him.Always have your own thing going on. 

Superintendent Turf Wife
1.He has made a name for himself, but in his mind its never "big enough" He will always want that dream retirement course or want that tour stop on his resume.He will still work way to much and not get paid nearly enough for his efforts. 

2.You will have a love hate relationship with his career, course and assistants. They will all make or break you!! Learn to deal with the good ,bad and the ugly! Celebrate the fact you now can diagnose "turf emergencies" in your own yard and take the correct action.! 

3. YOU ARE STILL ON THE BACK BURNER, but now you have a family. Be the queen of your castle and run it like a well oiled machine. Praise your MOT when he is home and complain about him when he isn't there. For the love of god listen to his stories and learn from them. They actually do help you out once in awhile. 

4.By now you will have moved more times than you can count. Save the boxes , heck invest in plastic containers.Never truly get to relaxed. you can blink and your on the move again. Enjoy your surroundings while you can.  Relish in the relationships you have formed over the years with people all across the country. Those women will make your heart happy! 

5.When he has a problem, it becomes your problem. His happiness is dependent on green speeds, root depth, blade height and sharp reels.He's in a constant battle with dirt and grass.Even when you want to punch him, hug him instead. You truly don't know his stress!!!

6. Always remember he does love you but the course always comes first . Find strength within yourself to be independent and not rely on him.Always have cold beer on hand and expensive wine for yourself!!!!

In closing (Thank god! This was a long post!) bottom line is, love your life, embrace it, never regret your choices and learn from experience.  You are both in this "lifestyle" together. There is no perfect way or wrong way to deal.with it!  Just keep on keeping on the best way you can! You Got This!!

Bella Verde Césped !!!

Mow the yard he said . It will be fun he said . Ha! Little did he (MOT)  know , that this Turf Wife would not only mow his precious grass blades but she would mow perfectly straight lines . I think its,safe to say I'm not directionally challenged .(this is an inside joke between my MOT and myself) 

I'm in a constant battle with my MOT about our yard . I know ... I've written about it before . But this "battle" has now turned into a "friendly"competition. 

This competition is probably mainly in my head.  I'm totally fine admitting that . I'm sure I'm harboring some deep down inside resentment and this is my way of throwing salt in his wounds .Secrely stabbing him where it hurts . His precious grass!!!!

Every time I start that mower ,something comes over me . A feeling that I have to out shine him .So what if his course is beautiful. Look at MY yard .MY doing, NOT the big important Golf Course Superintendent, with all the fancy degrees.  .. I really can't tell you the reasoning behind it . Maybe because I'm nuts .I'm thinking ha ,I've out done you ,what are you going to say about that ? Would Holly do anything like this for you?????

 In reality this is what is really happening ...  Every time he arrives home and sees his yard mowed, he's probably on his hands and knees crying thankful tears of joy in the driveway, or laughing that his reverse psychological powers are playing out exactly the way he has planned . I'M MOWING THE FREAKING YARD AND HE'S NOT . Which ever it is , it's getting done and that's all that matters . We are a team and so what if he's brainwashing me . Sometimes he deserves a break, and freshly mowed turf.

Lifestyles of the Turf and Famous

YOU MIGHT BE MARRIED TO A  MOT................... If you find yourself watching TV together.. right ? very rare.. almost unbelievable, during which you're watching some type of sporting event and your significant other starts in on a 3 hr rant (OK 5 mins but I dozed off after 2.5 seconds )about how Xyz bla bla bla striped the field the wrong way according to player and spectator vision .Seriously???.. Does  this even matter in real life ? Come on here , innocent chickens are killed everyday by the masses for their succulent wings and he's worried about directional striping patterns. Even worse,wait..... What the heck is happening here? He's now making perfect logical sense to me.I'm now honing in on this grass massacre. I...just...can't..look..away...My eyes are starting to bleed and I'm becoming very annoyed. What the heck this the matter with me? When did this actually start to matter ?????

 I can't make up anything  in our "normal" day to day life, even if I tried to really hard!. I seriously think we belong on a reality TV show.  Picture this... I'm holding down the fort, looking, impeccable, in full hair, makeup,skinny jeans and really expensive shoes . He's worried about his grass, It hasnt rained in days....He's stalking his really expensive radar technology system, that's just now stopped working..It's gone off line THE HORROR!! .He's really pissed off ..Why isn't his assistant picking up his phone .????? All the while I'm in the background looking completely fabulous ,drinking wine looking concerned. We are both playing it up for the camera.I wonder if I could actually pitch this to important TV people . It might actually work ..

So let's get back to the case at hand here . Does my MOT actually think analyzing these things and discussing them with me counts as communication ? Are we both actually trying to save the world by critiquing this field what wasn't mowed correctly? figuratively speaking of course... I'm sure in his mind we are spending quality time together .In my mind ,I'm begging for the phone to ring or perhaps an earthquake.
I do realize these subjects are important to him so they have to be important to me. ,and I actually have learned a lot ,so at least I'm getting something out of it . He's educating me how to call him out when I see "disease" in our own turf empire (our yard) or when the stripes have been mowed by someone with directional issues Insert evil laugh.

But the best part about this is though He's HOME, He's NOT asleep, He's NOT on his phone, He's NOT with Holly , He's with ME!!!!...  ....WOT-3 ,MOT-27 ,HOLLY-2,536,658,028

P.s. This is the "correct" way to stripe..
P.s.s Yes this is brown patch
P.s.s.s. Yes.. those ARE weeds...

Dem Babies...

It's no secret I have a love/hate relationship with my husband's career . I've made countless entries poking fun at him ,giving him praises and explaining the sultry details of the other woman  (his course ..don't get to excited) in our marriage . What I haven't ever really touched on ,is the effect of this industry on KOTS..(Kids of turf ) .
Let me rephrase that ..the effect on my KOT.  So here goes . We have a beautiful 12 yr old girl ,who is the epitome of strength, beauty and character.  She was born in Augusta, GA..I'm sure my MOT planned that out. In the beginning of her life ,my MOT was a foreign being to her . He'd leave before the sun came up and arrive home long after it set . There would be a day or 2 that he wouldn't even get to see her . You'd never know that now,they are best friends ! Thank God!!! In her short 12 yrs on this earth we have moved 4 times . Luckily for her, 3 of those  moves she was a baby and could really careless . Her only basic need was liquid in her sippy cup and an endless supply of fruit snacks . This 4th move actually stung alittle.  Why ? Because we were settled for 9 years . She got to have a normal childhood ,make life long friends and have some type of structure . This 4th move is a new beginning for all of us .

I can't help but want to praise these babies.  They are so young ,but yet so wise . Most Kot's know by the age of 3 that Dad works ALOT,hardly ever home before bedtime, but he has really cool stuff at his office .(Golf cart's, tractors, big mowers etc ) Mommy pretty much runs the show and most importantly when the weather is on,you need to be quite !

I wonder if this "lifestyle" actually takes a  toll on their little minds . Does it make them sad dad isn't home alot? Or do they just go on about their lives because they have never known any different ? Do they feel the tightness in the air when Mommy is about to lose her biscuits because she just desperately needs a break ? Or Do they know daddy has a disease on his greens and is being a complete turd ? I'm guessing no to all of the above ! Why ? Because we are raising amazing humans !!!!!! We as Turf Wives are doing everything in our power to pick up the slack without our kids skipping a beat .
I can say this though ..these kids are very strong ,resilient, and smarter than we all think . I also believe being born into this lifestyle, they will be taught to have thick skin, a crazy amazing work ethic ,a sense of wanderlust and adventure. Mostly importantly no matter what ..your family is everything . 
In many ways I feel very fortunate our KOT is being exposed to everything this lifestyle has to offer . Her like every other KOT, they are being taught the sky has no limits ,regardless of your situation and for that ..I am thankful !!!!

I can't take him anywhere...

I feel the need to point something out here . Today is grow in day whatever and hold your breath here ...I'm about to write in all caps ..MY MOT LEFT ..LIKE GOT IN HIS TRUCK AND WE DROVE TO FLORIDA .I'm in disbelief, the earth just moved . He willingly left Holly in the hands of his 2 overly capable assistants . Granted he's been on his phone 24/7 keeping the lines of communication open and getting pictures sent to him of her progress every 7 secs . But HE LEFT ! I call this a small little victory in the war against Turf Wives vs. Grass Mistresses . It's the little things in life that matter ya know !!!!!
What I am doing is picking fun of my MOT , his mind NEVER shuts off. Here we are driving down the interstate ,music blarring, road trip snacks galore (if you know our family ,you know that just walking outside is cause for some type of food ) and what is he doing besides driving ???? He's scouping out roadside land . Talking about survey scores ,depth analysis and soil perk. Every mile we drive he's building his imaginary state of the art golf practice facility.  Me ,I'm just trying to make since of what the hell he's talking about.  Staring out at a
field of over grown weeds and trees.

The word passion  comes to mind . You'll never work a day in your life ,if you truly love what you do . Those words have never rang truer than now . It truly amazes me how he can look at nothing and have the  visibility to see pushed up dirt mounds ,tree lined fairways and bunkers . I'm positive that's a blessing and a curse wrapped up into one .

But I get it . I understand it . Probably why we get eachother.  Probably why I'm sitting here writing about it , which I may or may not be using as my excuse ,so I don't have to talk about it. Don't judge ..its a 11 hr drive home and I'm surrounded by wilderness .....

Do you Boo !

Grow in day 5,465. Me -3 ,Holly 4455678754345 .
Here's my week thus far . My MOT has been home everyday at a reasonable time .When I say reasonable, I mean like before the sun goes down ,like plenty of daylight left time,plenty of doing stuff around our home time  . I really have no idea how this has happened . I'm still in disbelief myself . Infact ,I'm starting to question him about comming home period .
I'm paranoid something just isn't right . Sadly that is the baggage a turf wife holds heavy in the back of  her mind.  That feeling of insecurity brought on by the handfuls of negative situations. The disappointment ,the trails and tribulations of this industry . Don't get me wrong here , in my years of  being a Turf Wife , (I'd like to think I'm a very seasoned veteran.) My MOT'S career has afforded us a very comfortable and exciting life . But those  2 or 3 horrific situations in the past ,always make it impossible to let my guard down and just relax .
Honestly, that is why I do hold a lot of people at a distance . Why get close to anyone ,form a relationship ,let someone into my crazy ..then BOOM ,we have to move . (Again I'm holding on to "past" situations) Completely unhealthy, but in reality, its just a coping mechanism .
In my tenure as being a Turf Wife ,16 years to be exact , I've come across plenty of wives ,and the one thing I've noticed is we all share the same cycle . In the beginning we are all naive . We are all so happy and excited ready to take on the world . We realize our MOT'S are the new kids on the block and they need to make a name for themselves ,at our expense. But who cares ? Our men work at Xyz Country Club, we are proud.
In the middle, by now we've moved 3 or 4 times and we are just exhausted.  Exhausted!  We are tired of having to explain why we move so much . Why they work 90 hrs a week and why we are always picking up the pieces.  At this point we are highly annoyed .
Lastly the end . By this time we have been through the ringer . We are desperate, alone and our souls are damaged .We have been sucked in , chewed up, and spit out.  We no longer feel admiration for our MOT'S.  At this point resentment steps in . Our hearts are at a crossroad.  Sadly this is where most throw in the towel and marriage is over . I'd be a big fat liar if I told you that,that thought hasn't crossed my mind a time or two . Fortunately for us,(well for him ..ha ha ha ) that's not an option .
I can deal with just about any situation that comes at me . I'm a very strong girl . I can 100% tell you ,that I've been altered emotionally , mentally and my heart has been hardened.  I refuse to give up ,I refuse to let this "industry " take me into a dark place . At this point I just deal .
If I can give anyone any type of advice about being married to a MOT,  it would be this . Just live . Don't think , Don't dwell , Don't wait around .Don't explain . Dont hate. Do you . Do what makes you happy . Do have an outlet .Do form relationships.  Most importantly Just Do!!!!!!.. xoxo

All alone on Gilligan's Island

 This is a horrific senseless crime against these poor , innocent golf mobile driving devices . They have cushioned your bums, held your bags and this is how you repay them ? Sentencing them to a slow death of battery acid burns and environmental tortures? WHY GOD....WHY???!!!!..

. I'm sure there's a great story behind this other than pure laziness . Perhaps this was a to- do list for the mechanic who got fired ? A great deal from Hill-billy Jimmie's Golf World?? Or maybe they have lead paint and might kill kittens ? 

I was visiting MOT'S  course the other day and I stumbled upon this.The "equipment grave yard ". It reminds me of a scene from a zombie movie ,deserted ,overgrown and scary.  I have no idea why this made me giggle and actually want to write about it . Maybe the vision in my head of zombie golfers trying to fight zombie superintendents ??? Think about it ..would the MOT'S still be complaining about staying on the cart path and not driving up next to the collar of greens ? Would the golfers still be complaining about green speeds ? Would the Turf Wives, still be mad?????

Apparently I have way to much time on my hands or I've watched one to many zombie movies .

I'm now curious  to know if anyone else has a "grave yard" at their properties???? Remember, my MOT only took over this property in October . I'm sure this will be a winter cleanup project . Id offer to help but.. ummm.. What if something is in there ????? Like a dead anything ??????

Is it supposed to look like that ?

Good morning and happy I don't know whatever grow in day it is , I've lost track . I'm out here on my deck drinking coffee , overlooking the pristine mountain views (for those of you just now following along ,we are no longer in Florida,we are in Bama. Yes ,I should change my Turfwidowfla name , but that requires effort )OK back to my original  train of thought ! I'm also staring at the wild outback that has become my backyard.  Wait ...what ? ..I'm married to a Golf Course Superintendent, my yard should be a xerox copy of Augusta National, complete with a real life replica of Amen Corner (remember we are now in the bible belt ) and a pond with water from Ray's Creek! Now back to reality , all those misconceptions 珞.  What I do have is a rough ,a perfectly (I'm sure it's Bermuda, 419 to be exact  )  emerald green in  color ,wild Australian outback with maybe with 5 or 6 sprouts of sedge rearing up from the earth . Am I slightly annoyed ? Just kinda . Do I fear for my life with each step I take ? Slightly . Am I being the nagging WOT ???? Not in the slightest.  Why ???..3 reasons here . 1. Being the most hilarious in my opinion,  we don't own a lawnmower right now . (You're dying ,I'm dying . I'm glad I'm making you laugh) 2. I have just most recently convinced my MOT, that a lawn service can be our most cherished alliance. This is HUGE ..it's been years in the making ! Normally the unspoken reasoning has been a sterile blade, a blade that is used only on our Virgin Mary turf. The unthinkable would happen if we cross-contaminated.  You know the trans-location of MTD (mowing transmitted diseases) God forbid someone else's turf  issues become "our issues " lastly number 3. Which I'm almost positive every WOT has heard her MOT say this more than enough . "I'm outside all day , I manage 2 million acres of turf on a daily basis , the last thing I want to do when I get home is mow the yard " Touche`...I get it , I think every WOT gets that point . Hence why don't push it . I normally just go and do it myself ,which I know my MOT is more than appreciative of.  I really don't mind doing it . It's great exercise and a wonderful sense of accomplishment especially when you've learned how to stripe it perfectly.  But I'm always about finding an easier way .. like spraying it out and xeriscaping. Happy wife ..happy MOT life .

Disclaimer ************ to ensure this entry doesn't piss off my MOT (ha ha ha ) he actually does take pride in his yard and always tries to have the best on the block  ,except the backyard while trying to raise the height to achieve the perfect plushness,or during a grown in ,or in July on a Tuesday 

O look ,there goes Hollywood

So I started this blog  eons ago ,with the intention to have a hobby . I've had a flare for writing since I was a kid , but I have never done anything with it or really even paid attention to it until maybe a year or two ago . I decided I needed a creative outlet to just clear my mind,letting my fingers to the typing . Once I decided I was going to do this ,I needed a topic to write about ,because my day to day life isn't really that exciting . I figured no one wants to hear about the exciting life of a housewife ,mom , etc . I knew I needed an edge . What I didn't know was my "edge" was my husband and his career . My life as his wife and all the baggage that comes with being married to a Golf Course Superintendent seemed like a perfect subject with a plethora of material . So I started to research and found out this subject remains unclaimed . Yes there are a couple of "private" groups wives have assembled ,but no one has been brave  enough in my opinion to actually speak out and let the world hear the frustrations we deal with on a daily basis. My intention for my blog at first was just babble, then with the help and support of my MOT he pushed me , bringing me where  I am today . My biggest fear was pissing him off or being a Little to "unfiltered " ,but I decided I didn't care . My voice and my feelings needed to be heard . Believe it or not ,A LOT of MOT'S have no idea their wives feel what I write about . This may sound corny ,but I'm doing this not only for me , but my other industry "sisters"
On Friday, something unbelievable happened to me . This little hobby I've been penning , these entries of my crazy , we're recognized and I'm now a featured blog within the #gcsaa  (golf course superintendent association of America) members blog area . To say I'm humbled is an understatement . I'm completely in disbelief . I never in my heart of hearts dreamed anything like this would come from me complaining and praising my MOT.  I have no idea where this honor is going to take "Till Turf Do Us Part " but I'm just going to enjoy the ride and walk with my head held a little higher . Thank you to everyone who looks forward to my crazy ,I truly appreciate you all !!!!.💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Those aren't grey hairs ..those are sprigs!!!

And so it begins, the first day of "GROW IN"  This will be my life in a nutshell for the next 2 months. All I will do is  eat, sleep ,breathe , listen ,clean ,vacuum , and probably wash ,what will be bits and pieces of "Holly "  We must not forget to add in getting our KOT ready for the upcoming new school year , all the drama that goes along with that , plus getting her acclimated to her new life. I'll also need to remember ,TO REMEMBER , to update MOT of mandatory things he must be present for in our life . Maybe I should look into hiring a personal assistant ????!!!! Ha, I'm sure MOT would totally go for that ,especially if she was easy on the eyes !!!! I've had people tell me with this renovation, that the hard part is over ..ummm.. ???? NO !..My hell begins today . The "grow in" phase in my opinion is the worst ! The vibe in my home will solely depend upon what or how his entire maintence team is preforming under the pressure of "grow in zilla" masked as my MOT the (Grass Growing God) ,not to mention the mental strain of the  chatter, the discussions both good and bad comming from outside sources.  These "discussions " will most likely be about the progress or the lack there of .It's really funny during a project like this ,everyone instantly  has an arogmony degree and a psychic ability to determine how fast something should grow . I'll be the lucky one who gets to deal with the aftermat both good and bad  .I'm seriously considering leaving a sign on the door that says,YOU JUST LEFT "HER " SO LEAVE "HER"(don't think that would go over too well)  Luckily for me ,this isn't my first rodeo .  By now, I just make sure there is cold beer in the fridge , some type of edible substance on a plate in the microwave and a very caring expression on my face. While I'm listening very intently , In my mind I'm screaming  "shut up" I don't care ,for the love of god ,let me tell you about my day ....I'm mentally imagining  stabbing myself with your multi-tool, if I hear about 2-40dxyz, msma (I know msma has been labeled a restricted product and NO mot doesn't still use this ) , or how many inches the runners of your sprigs have reached to the sun's surface, in just 6 days!!!!!! But, I don't ...I just sit there like a good little WOT and engage. I have to sometimes remind myself that home is my MOT'S safe place and when he's here with us ,he needs to be able to decompress .That is something it's taken awhile for me to learn. Almost 16 yrs 😆 I do love hearing about his day though and seeing all of his hard work come to fruition ....most of the time ......💜

AllllllaaaaaaaaBAMA!!!!!!

Life is an adventure and we are certainly living it . Since moving to the great state of AllllllaaaaaaaaBAMA  (think Forrest Gump)we have unpacked... ok big fat lie,kind of unpacked , found a hole in the roof, have rabid beasts in the attic (probably just squirrels) and an armadillo in the back yard ,whom I've foundly named Stanley. Even bought a new fridge only to have it die and be replaced! All this fun stuff going on, I can hardly contain my excitement and or sanity  ! Then there is HOLLY can't forget about her ..... (Fast catch up .. 18 HOLE RENOVATION,go big or go home is our family motto lol .) My MOT is handling everything well ,considering . I think his biggest issue has been lighting fires under the rears of his employees ,(they have no idea how MOT is during "projects") and dealing with the masses up here that think bent grass is the holy trail that  Jesus Christ walked on  himself . For those of you wondering ,he's switching over to Jones Dwarf (bermuda ) (interested? Contact me ill get you in touch with people )Tomorrow will be the start of "Holly  time " she gets MOT all to herself for the next couple of days.  ..Tomorrow is sprig day , grass day, transformation day, I'll never see my MOT again during daylight day .THE DAY !!!! I felt kinda bad (I said kinda) yesterday when I joked with him that he's undergoing a "mock" renovation, because he's only getting new grass and not "new greens" ,he didnt act offened but ..lets be real ..I'm sure it stung alittle ,but hey atleast I actually know the difference right, that totally counts for something !!!!! Whatever he's getting ,I know the end result will be fantastic and the masses will grow to love his putting surfaces .Change is good and Lord knows Holly is begging to shine like a diamond !!!  In the meantime while he's out growing grass and playing with irrigation cycles ,I'll be holding down the fort here, trying to fight off whatever is in the attic , stalking Temps on the new fridge and running away everytime Stanley tries to interrupt my morning coffee.  Stay tuned boys and girls a grow in is "a-commin"

https://m.facebook.com/agronomyhcc/#!/agronomyhcc/photos/a.1604445633137601.1073741827.1604443999804431/1702450286670468/?type=3&source=44&refid=17

Just going with it

11 days have come and gone .The great state of Alabama has survived hurricane Trisha and we are settling in nicely.  MOT is in the full throws of his renovation and KOT (kid of turf) hasn't missed a beat . She already found her humans and her social life is in full swing.  We are one big happy reunited turf family . It's kinda funny how we are all adjusting to being a family again . When you are on your own for basically a year ,it's amazing the things you learn about yourself . I have to admit I'm having a somewhat difficult time reprogramming my mind and letting my MOT do the things husband's do . I'm almost certain my MOT is having bachelor withdrawals  as well.  But I can say ,I'm so happy I don't have to forego it alone anymore . I'm still wrapping my head around the whirlwind of a move , new surroundings and Holly's face-lift.  But you know what's completely amazing? MOT has put us first.  I've been through countless renovations, grow-in's ,horrific mistress situations(I'm talking about the other woman his course NOT an actual woman for the record), etc.  Always feeling like I'm in constant competition with rolled up mounds of dirt and expensive bags of seeds . BUT this  time it's different.  This time we are the main event ,instead of "his girl ." Maybe I've softened in my experience, maybe he's finally found the holy grail of balance . Whatever the case is, I'm not going to question it and over analyze. I'm just going with it . I'm sure in my next entry I might feel different ..ha ha ha ha ..but for now all is well in our turf life . In the mean time if you find yourself curious about Holly's progress ,you can check out MOT'S maintenance page here ..

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1705587796356717&id=1604443999804431

Waiting to exhale

So here we are ..2 days into our new adventure . Suffocated by cardboard boxes and high from packing tape . Living in a beautiful home with mountain views , in a neighborhood that screams stepford but in reality is panning out to be exactly what my soul needed . I'm sitting here tripping over all the boxes and trying to make our new house a home , sucking every last ounce of energy from my MOT , he has something else on the horizon . In exactly 1 week from today ,Holly his mistress, is going under the knife for a makeover.  Not a full blown makeover, but a much needed face-lift.  A nip and tuck 30 years in the making ,assuring that MOT'S life will be easier ,Holly still has her claws dug to the bone . What this means for me ? ..2 things ..number 1... In the long run this,will benefit our home life ..(cough cough bullshit) and number 2 , Holly has won again or she thinks she has .  She's had him to herself for a whole 9 months . You'd think she'd atleast  be kind enough to give me at least 5 mins to feel normal ,get my barrings, but what do I get , a tshirt made out of recycled cardboard that says don't hate congratulate.  Congratulate her for what ? ,being old and wrinkly? Trying to improve  herself to keep up me ? I will say I'm very happy for my MOT and his new and improved "girl" but wtf??..9 days after we are reunited as a,family ? ..How is that even possible? I swear the chain of events are sometimes so unbelievable, I can't even make them up myself ..For those of you reading who have no idea what I'm talking about ,greens renovating:) Here's what I do know, he will be home every night ,even if it's 9pm , he will be an absolute bear to live with , but he will hug me tighter as he leaves for work at the butt crack of dawn ,and we will never get to drive into town without having to stop and see "her".Our life for the next 6 to 8 weeks will include prep, sprigging ,growing and conversations that only include progress .No family of 3  exploring, lazy days ,meals or adventures . I'm ok with that for now . As strange as it sounds ,I'm claiming a victory here . In the long run i'm benfiting here. My Mot will be happy, relaxed and get to do what he does ..GROW GRASS...

Screw you Holly..hurricane Trisha has rolled in ..GAME ON ..WOT- 1, HOLLY- 55677898654322,MOT- somewhere in the corner drinking a beer hand watering ...

And we out .....

So here I sit in my house . My last Sunday in our home . Tuesday is d day . Moving day . The day I/we leave Florida . If you have been following along , it's no surprise  I'm not that excited to leave my "home" and start anew. Truthfully, my feelings are mixed . My soul is torn .  I'm yearning for a change and a new adventure , but not so sure I want to leave my comfort zone .  10 years is along long time to be settled . Heck in this "lifestyle" 10 years is equivalent to 30 years in anyone's normal life . But, that's just it .. being a WOT isn't normal .  You don't get to plan your life , your life revolves around the boy who put a ring on it. The boy who grows grass .The boy who is working  his ass off for a game . It gets so exhausting having to justify your supreme being to those outside of the turf world . No "normal person " gets it . No "normal person "cares what type of grass your MOT grows, what his green speeds are , why he's stressed because his mistress decided to give him a fungal disease 3 days before you move . They don't get you can't really plan ahead for anything, why you move so often ,or why your husband isn't ever present .  I've often heard a WOT'S life being compared to that of a military wife (now before I go and piss anyone off here , I am in no way comparing myself or my MOT , or his,career or our life ,to the brave service men or women who are fighting for our freedom.  )My presumption is merely based on comparison, being that we never get to actually take our shoes of and stay awhile . I feel very fortunate we were lucky enough to be settled for as long as we have been and the memories that we have made along the way . I also feel very fortunate that I actually have been given a gift  (even though I rarely see it as that ) to be able to live in places most people only dream about visiting.  In the grand scheme of things, the bigger picture always works itself out . I just wish we as WOT'S had the luxury of being able to have a choice, a voice "hey I love it here, why do we have to leave?" ..Well we have to because ,that's just what the way it goes,  it's the hand we've been dealt. The path that has been chosen . We suck it up ,put our feelings aside and just do it . In  the conclusion of this chapter of our life , we're turning the page and we're beginning anew ,all I can do is just pray ,swallow my feelings and start to write the next page in our new adventure . Stay posted ..the Patterson's are Bama bound....P.S. Did I mention I'll be unpacking and making our new house a home , while my MOT undergoes a complete greens  renovation ? #prayforme #itsjusthowitgoes #glamourouswot

#prayfororlando

I am in fear of the human race . I'm scared for our children . I just can't understand what motivates such evil ..praying for the victims, praying for the families, praying for responders ..praying for all....stupid and senseless ....... #prayfororlando

Take the red pill ,or take the blue pill..

You know what scares the crap out of me ? This "industry ". I've decided I'm going to get a bit more "raw" for this entry and pour my heart into it . In my experience over the years as a WOT, I've observed 2 kinds of MOTS, a lifer and a bouncer . A Lifer is someone who starts at a course and stays there ,their entire career. A Bouncer ,is someone who goes from course to course ,gaining experience growing different grasses in different climates,over the course of a few short years . I'm married to the ladder , the in-between.
In exactly 8 days from today ,we are leaving our ,MY safety net.  A net where my heart and soul begins and ends . My family and our friends and everything that our daughter has ever known . This scares the shit out of me . My MOT hasn't lived with us since October.  Bells and I have been fiercely immersed in our own routine. We are truly living the turf widow life . I am treading barely above water , taking one day at a time . Letting my inner voice take over . I am my own worst enemy.  I'm not looking at the positive,  I'm reverting back to the "bouncer" mentality ,un-attaching myself from everyone and everything . All of the what ifs are a constant plague weighing on my mental sanity . My MOT assures me  that ,this move will be life changing for us , but truthfully ,I just don't see it . Maybe it's my negative attitude from day 1 ,I mean why would I be excited about moving to Huntsville, AL, leaving our life here and our family behind.  .I really don't like anything about it or the idea itself.  Will this state be our saving grace ? Or will this just end up being another chapter in our story ? As I have stated before, I hate any kind of change.  My parents still live in the same house I grew up in , they live 3 blocks away . When we move they will be 10 hrs away .I'm very close to my family.  Huntsville is my MOT'S hometown . His story begins there , but does our chapter really need to be a part of it ?  I really don't have the choice,I have  to put my faith in him and just enjoy the ride .Again the fear sets in . What happens in a year from now ,will we have to move ? .Will we have to uproot our daughter again ? What if in that year we're still there and I actually have decided that he was right . Will that make me resent him ,for moving us to a town ,to a place I could really care not to connect with ? Or will that make me love him more ,because he saw something I couldn't?  Attitude is everything ,perception is judgment . What I'm doing right now is rambling, throwing every possible negative scenario into the mix ,instead of looking at the positive. A positive situation where my MOT is taking charge and doing something for the betterment of our existence.  I'm just being spoiled brat , throwing a fit and trying to get my way, praying and grabbing onto every last olive branch of hope in these last 8 days, channeling a miracle to happen ,so I don't have to leave MY safety net . Not ours MINE . Wtf is the matter with me ? I'm a WOT for God's sake . I have the ability to make anything happen, even under the most dire circumstances.  In the past 8 months of basically being a single parent , I've learned a lot about myself . Not only am I insanely independent,  I'm also insanely venerable, and truthfully I don't like it . I have no idea why I'm fighting this change . Why I'm mentally doubting my MOT'S intentions . Maybe because deep down inside the layers of my insanity, I know he's right ,or it's the years of baggage and the heartache that comes along with being involved in this lifestyle.  A life of turf ,a life of being married to a golf course superintendent, the good the bad and the ugly.