“Everyone complains about the weather, but no one cares more about it than a golf course superintendent.”
— Turf Wife Reality
Being married to a golf course superintendent means you’re not competing with another woman — even though I do constantly name all of his courses. I love watching people’s faces when I say he’s with Roberta, his mistress 🤣
But every turf wife alive is, will, and always will be competing with the weather.
In normal marriages, plans revolve around calendars, kids, and whatever else life throws at you.
In turf life?
My marriage revolves around radar apps. ALL OF THEM!
I know more about these stupid apps than one normal human should. So much so that I’ve officially dubbed my grass grower “Meteorologist Mark” — the walking weather reporter 😆
If you’ve ever waited to see what the forecast says before deciding whether dinner, date night, or life itself is happening… you’re probably married to a grass grower.
I learned very quickly that in this industry, the weather isn’t just something you talk about — it’s the fourth person in your marriage. (Besides the mistress, obviously.)
In my house, it’s basically an unspoken rule: we aren’t even allowed to breathe when the weather man rudely interrupts the TV.
Like listen, "Walter the Weatherman", … I’m trying to tell my grass grower about the absolutely trivial things that happened to me today. But no. You decide to just start talking, RUDE!
And why?
It’s not like this TV forecast is telling you anything different than your 20 paid subscriptions to the latest, greatest, supersonic weather app.
I get it.
You need to know the moisture meter is dialed in perfectly.
You need to know if African dust is coming in on a random wind gust.
You need to know if the 75-year flood is about to hit before you spray, fertilize, or punch holes in God’s grass.
Because here's the part nobody outside of turf really understands…
The weather isn’t small talk in this industry.
It’s job security.
It’s budget pressure.
It’s member complaints.
It’s tournament prep.
It’s sleep lost over a 40% chance of rain that may or may not show up — while you’re still spraying-and-praying through the worst drought of your career trying to grow grass.
So while I may dramatically sigh when Walter interrupts my show, I also know radar isn’t just background noise.
It’s the difference between a good week and a really bad one.
Sometimes… it’s the difference between keeping your job and losing it.
Grass growers NEED to be weather aware 24/7.
Their careers literally depend on it.
But still…
Do we need to check three different radar apps while we’re at dinner like one of them is going to tell you something better than the other?
Absolutely not!
Do we need weather alerts screaming at us at 2:17 AM?
Also no.
Do I now instinctively look at the sky before making weekend plans?
Nope.
Because I’m married to Meteorologist Mark 🤣
When you’re married to turf — a grass grower, a golf course superintendent — you don’t plan your life around a calendar.
You plan it around the forecast.
And if you’ve ever heard the words,
“Let’s just see what the weather does…”
You already know.
You’re not married to a man.
You’re married to turf !
Till Turf Do Us Part 😉🙃😆
